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Klayman's Katastrophes: Don't pray for rain
By Gregg Klayman
MLB.com
Rain, rain, go away, Come ruin my fantasy team another day. Here are this week's katastrophe nominees, all of whom helped submerge my teams closer to the bottom of the standings.
Matt Clement and Brett Tomko
Desperate for someone else's starters to get pounded, my eyes light up on Sunday when I see that Clement and Tomko are each getting shelled. Both pitchers reside on team rosters above me in the standings, and the thought of rapidly rising ERAs and WHIPs made for a quite pleasant afternoon. That was until the rain started coming down harder and harder in Chicago. In the fifth inning, the game was finally delayed after Clement had allowed 11 runs and Tomko nine, both in 3.2 innings. Waiting patiently for the game to resume, I nearly heaved all over my computer screen when the letters "PPD" appeared.
Tino Martinez and Albert Pujols
My luck is starting to get worse than Eddie Mush's in A Bronx Tale. Two homers for Tino, after hitting two all year? And then they don't count? Was that some sort of sick joke the fantasy gods played on owners? On top of it, Tino wound up going 1-for-12 for the entire week. And just to make things better, Pujols hit an imaginary grand slam in the same game. I guess my luck couldn't get worse than that…
J.D. Drew and Eli Marrero
But wait, anything is possible in Katastropheland. In that same game that never existed, Drew departed with a back injury in the second inning. Marrero, part of my large stable of struggling fantasy catchers, entered the game on the heels of one of his best games of the year (3-for-5, 2 RBIs). Two innings later, Marrero left the game on a stretcher with torn ligaments in his lower right leg. If home runs and shoddy pitching performances can be taken away by rain, why can't injuries? Nothing's more exciting than scouring the catcher waiver wire and trying to decide between the likes of Doug Mirabelli, Vance Wilson and Mike DiFelice to replace one of your guys.
Glendon Rusch
It's pretty hard to give up 13 hits in one game, especially if you don't even last four innings. Rusch specializes in making the impossible, possible. Facing the Sosa-less Cubs on Monday, the former Met allowed a baker's dozen worth of hits, as well as eight runs in only 3.1 IP, dropping his record to a Maroth-like 1-7.
Eric Gagne
You know you have to pitch really poorly if your ERA rises almost two points in one outing. After throwing just 14 pitches on Monday, Gagne's awesome 0.48 ERA rose to a still-solid 2.37. The intimidating righty lost his first game of the year (at least he didn't blow a save) by allowing four runs in 0.1 IP.
Milton Bradley
After going 2-for-20 this past week, Bradley owners were wishing he never came of the DL. The guy who was hitting .375 before straining a hamstring watched his average dip 45 points in six days. Bradley's shining moment came on Sunday against Texas, when he posted a very empty feeling 0-for-4 in a 27-run, 30-hit game.
Braden Looper
Can somebody get this guy a save opportunity? It's been almost two weeks since Looper has actually entered a game with a chance to earn a save. His best chance came on Sunday, but Mike Lowell's two-run blast with two outs in the bottom of the eighth wiped out Looper's potential opportunity.
Albie Lopez
Is it possible to be as bad as Albie Lopez? Lopez entered the week 4-0 with a respectable 4.11 ERA. After allowing two runs in a loss to the Twins on Wednesday night, Lopez's ERA stood at an even 10.00 - not bad if you're Nadia Comaneci or Olga Korbut, but pretty ugly if you're a big league pitcher. In three outings spanning 2.2 innings, Lopez allowed 14 baserunners and 13 earned runs. Of all pitchers who have thrown at least 15 innings this year, only Jimmy Haynes (12.74) has a nastier-looking ERA.
Juan Acevedo
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Juan Acevedo
Didn't this guy save 28 games last year and have a 2.65 ERA? Wasn't he supposed to help fill the void left by the departures of Ramiro Mendoza and Mike Stanton? The sight of Acevedo entering a game at this point is as comforting as having Marge Schott read you a bedtime story.
Danny Graves
I'm so happy I dropped Graves on April 27, following his poor outing against San Diego. Since he left my pitiful squad, Graves has gone 3-0, allowing two runs and 15 hits in 23.2 innings. It's moves like this that helped me earn the title, "Father of Fantasy."
Jenna from Survivor
Am I the only one who was shocked by Jenna's 6-1 win in Survivor 6? Am I the only one who still watches this show and cares? After doing little to help her tribe over 39 days, the swimsuit model got the necessary votes to become the latest champ of the reality TV show. Matthew, who caught fish, built shelters and did virtually everything, had to settle for the runner-up spot.
Now if fantasy baseball worked this way, I'd be set. If your league could vote out one team every week, they'd just keep picking off the top teams until the worst teams were left, meaning that I'd have something like six or seven league titles as compared to just one.
And this week's winners are…
Crew chief Bruce Froemming and his three comrades; Doug Eddings, Ron Kulpa and Mike Winters. Couldn't they have just waited one more inning? A little rain isn't going to hurt anyone, well except for Drew and Marrero.
Trivia Answer
Last week I posted two pretty tough retro video game questions. And despite a slew of e-mail attempts, only a couple of folks came up with the right answers.
Dr. Alden Cass of New York correctly identified the legendary "Baker" as Kansas's cleanup hitter, while Shane M of Parts Unknown (the home of many former WWF wrestlers) got seven of the starting nine correct, hitting on Pete (Rose), Babe (Ruth), Hank (Aaron), Joe (DiMaggio), Willie (Mays), Sandy (Koufax) and Jacks (who was this supposed to be? Reggie?). Shane came up short on Lefty (O'Doul?) and Jay (again, not sure who the game makers were getting at - Johnstone, Buhner, Leno or Z?).
Since my devoted readers seem to like my random, 70s and 80s-based baseball questions, let's try another one. This time, we'll shift the focus from video games to baseball cards, since I am already running out of interesting Nintendo facts. Here we go:
Name the "error" on each of the following cards:
1) Bump Wills 1979 Topps
2) Al Leiter 1988 Topps
3) Billy Ripken 1989 Fleer
Keep the profanities to a minimum please. See you next week.
Gregg Klayman is the manager of fantasy and interactive games for MLB.com. E-mail him with questions and comments at gregg.klayman@mlb.com.
This story was not subject to approval by Major League Baseball or its clubs.
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Matt Clement
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