10 glorious things that mean you're watching Spring Training baseball

You just woke up in a dark room. You're not really sure where you are or how long you've been asleep. You don't even know your name. Has it been five hours or five days? You're basically the main character in "Memento." But you see a TV and baseball is on. Is it a regular season game or a Spring Training? You don't know, you JUST. DON'T. KNOW. 
Well, use our handy checklist and you'll know for sure. 

Thanks to ballgames being played in the stark early Spring weather in Arizona or Florida, the quality of light is unlike anything you'll see during the year. Everything is impossibly brighter, as if your TV's picture settings were accidentally changed when your remote got stuck between couch cushions. 

Every pop-up becomes an adventure and every fly ball has a chance of leaving the park in the tricky, swirling winds that hang around the Spring Training stadiums. Is it because of their location, or is it because of the strange powers of Spring Training? That's something we just can't say.  

They show up, pitch two innings, and then head home to, presumably, play video games. It's just like when school would get out early and you'd spend the rest of the day taking on Doctor Robotnik. 
With all those early exits, you're going to get plenty of relievers. If you're someone who loves armchair scouting the sixth-inning man, this is the time for you. 

If you can hear the sound of one man who is super into clapping even after the most minor of on-field actions, you're not watching a regular season game. (Note: This does not apply to post-midnight games that have reached the 15th inning.) 
Imagine there was a magical world where professional ballplayers could both ply their craft and relax with old friends.
Guess what, that place is real. It's called Spring Training. 

No one is ready to play a full nine yet. So if you see an army of Minor Leaguers descending upon the field in the seventh inning, you're either watching a Spring Training game ... or something has gone terribly wrong. 
Given the sheer mass of No. 98s and 82s storming the field, you'll quickly find that your scorecard looks less like an account of the game and more like a bizarre occult language bent on bringing about the end of the world.  

Here's how my scorecard looks after a spring training tie game #stlcards #ST2014 pic.twitter.com/pVe9xqhFrJ

— Chill STL Sports Fan Ryan (@BinPiehl) March 8, 2014

The offseason means plenty of time for hair growth without having to worry about things like, "Is this going to get in the way of my swing?" If you see players who look like this, chances are you're watching a Spring Training game:

Who's on third? Why are the teams continuing to play even though the game is over? Why is this batter hitting? No one really knows and no one really cares. It's baseball and it's fun. Let it be.

(An earlier version of this post was originally published on Mar. 3, 2015)