Five-tool player Bartolo Colon has been named to the All-Star Game roster

With Madison Bumgarner set to start for the Giants on Sunday, his place on the National League All-Star team was up for grabs. Who could be a worthy enough replacement for the dinger-hitting hurler? Why, none other than the people's champion, Bartolo Colon.
While his performance on the mound is that of an All-Star -- 7-4 with a 3.28 ERA -- he has now transformed himself into a five-tool player.
That's right, Colon at the age of 43 is Benjamin Buttoning and has turned himself into the complete player. 
Let's break it down.
After collecting all of zero hits from 2006-13 (although, he only received 19 PA because he was in the American League), he has picked up 13 over the last three seasons. That includes hits like this double and his attempts to punch through reality with 108.4-mph laser beams: 

If you felt your heart beating to the tune of Pharrell's "Happy," on May 7, there's a reason for that. 
Namely: Colon homered.

Don't think a 43-year-old pitcher can motor? Shows what you know. 

He even would have won the race-to-end-all-races against Billy Hamillton, except he was too fast for the baseball, too. (We're pretty sure he would have beaten Hamilton at the Tony's, too, but that's a discussion for another day.) 
With reflexes like a jungle cat, the game vision of a guy wearing a VR headset and a pitching motion that puts him in a perfect fielding position, Colon is a defensive whiz. Whether he's Willie Mays-ing it in the infield or making the flashy middle infielder-like flip, it's all poetry.  

Of course, we left his greatest skill for the end: His arm. He might not throw mid-90s heat like he did when he won the Cy Young Award with the Angels, but that hasn't stopped him from throwing some kind of mid-80s fastball over 88 percent of the time. 

That's an artist at work. Sorry, an All-Star at work.