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Sound the FIELDER PITCHING alarm: Jesus Sucre took the hill for the Mariners

2015 has been a banner year for position players pitching, which, really, means that 2015 has been a banner year for life-affirming joy. 

But while the best amateur hurlers usually feature a sublime blend of hilarious shenanigans and a level of effectiveness attributable only to witchcraft, Seattle catcher Jesus Sucre's turn on the mound during Friday's loss to the Astros may have topped them all -- by going in the exact opposite direction.

You see, Sucre managed to, uh, actually look sort of like a pitcher? We're as confused as you are:

Sucre pitching

Sucre gave up a hit, sure, but he also touched 90 mph more than once and induced a double play with a nasty little two-seamer ... a description that actually sounds like a halfway decent bullpen arm. Maybe he's destined to become the game's first one-man battery, if he can master the patented Bugs Bunny slowball.