Rejoice at the return of Marlins man mountain Justin Bour
Justin Bour is a large man. Justin Bour is a man with very broad shoulders. Justin Bour could actually carry the world atop those shoulders, if he so chose.
Few players carry themselves with the immense power of Bour's 6-foot-4, 250 pounds, and those listed numbers may be an underestimate. Visual evidence puts him closer to 8,000 feet tall, with each biceps weighing in at 250 lbs.
The Marlins' first baseman used that strength to hit 23 home runs in only 449 plate appearances last year, a total topped by only Kris Bryant and Joc Pederson among MLB rookies. Bour also managed a respectable .262 average and finished fifth in an incredibly packed Rookie of the Year voting.
We're lucky that Bour chose to become a baseball player, especially now that we'll get to see him again when the Marlins begin full-squad workouts on Monday. Becuase he could have easily decided to become a devourer of planets, like Galactus.
Or he could have joined the WWE, tag-teaming up with The Rock, before building a profitable entertainment empire.
He could have been hired to play The Mountain on "Game of Thrones," but had to back out because of his baseball responsibilities.
He even showed up for the first day of filming of "Little Giants," expecting it to be a documentary about human giants.
The recording artist, The Tallest Man on Earth, contacted Bour to do a duet, but the two couldn't agree on a creative direction. Tallest Man wanted something folk-poppy, but Bour wanted to record the sound of smashed bones under their feet.
But Bour did choose baseball and we are more than glad for that. Because watching him crush incoming pitches, which must look like tiny peas in his eyes, is most enjoyable.
Bour is expected to platoon at first base with Chris Johnson this season, meaning that the Marlins' No. 3 and 4 hitters against righties will combine for nearly 13 feet and 500 lbs of power. That's a lot of muscle.