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Prepare for Opening Day with these haiku reviews of every MLB team's offseason moves

Spring Training is winding down and Opening Day is fast approaching. If you're the kind of fan who's mostly tuned out since October … welcome back.

It's been a long winter, and you may have missed some of the many wheelings and dealings. That's understandable, since there were hundreds of transactions and you probably have limited time on your hands.

To catch you up on all of MLB's updated 2016 rosters while respecting that limited time and also keeping things poetic, here are haiku summaries of everything you need to know heading into the new season:

Angels

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Eppler makes a splash

Trades for Andrelton and Yunel

New year, new left side

 

Astros

Wanted a closer.

Got flamethrower Ken Giles.

Productive winter.

 

Athletics

Not as many moves

As we're used to Beane making.

Rich Hill, though. Rich Hill

 

Blue Jays

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Revere for Storen,

Estrada, Happ back again

Lineup remains nuts

 

Braves

Rebuild continues.

Newcomb, Blair, Dansby Swanson

We'll see them real soon.

 

Brewers

Lots of little moves

David Stearns making his mark.

Kirk Nieuwenhuis, y'all.

 

Cardinals

Mike Leake: good pitcher.

Just don't remind anyone

That Heyward is gone.

 

Cubs

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Zo back with Maddon

Heyward and Lackey from Cards

New lineup every day?

 

Dodgers

Kazmir, Maeda:

Can several decent starters

Replace one Greinke?

 

Diamondbacks

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Zack Greinke. Greinke.

Zack Greinke. Zack. Zack Greinke.

Shelby Miller. Zack.

 

Giants

Cueto, Samardzija,

Span too. Preparing for the

Even year magic.  

 

Indians

Added veterans

Nasty rotation remains

Quietly improved

 

Mariners

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Way too many moves

To fit into a haiku

Does Dipoto sleep?

 

Marlins

Biggest move might be

Their Home Run King hitting coach.

Also, Wei-Yin Chen.

 

Mets

Walker in for Murph

Bartolo back, Yo returns

In a sweet new ride

 

Nationals

Got Murphy, Revere,

And didn't trade Bryce Harper.

That's probably smart!

 

Orioles

Brought back O'Day, Crush.

Brought in Trumbo, Gallardo.

And Fowler! Almost.

 

Padres

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New faces again

Add Alexei, Jay and a

Crooked hat closer

 

Phillies

Enter Matt Klentak.

First trade: Giles to Houston

For some nice prospects.

 

Pirates

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Swapped Walker for Niese.

Bye Pedro, hello Jaso

Freese til Kang is back

 

Rangers

Top shortstop still free?

He can probably play left!

Hey, Ian Desmond.

 

Rays

Dealt a reliever

For high-upside outfielder

Rays still gonna Rays

 

Reds

New era begins

Frazier, Chapman now elsewhere

Young talent inbound

 

Rockies

Out with Dickerson,

In with Gerardo Parra.

Jake McGee, closer?

 

Royals

Why fix what ain't broke?

Alex Gordon sticks around

Salvy extended.  

 

Red Sox

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Needed pitching help

So added Price and Kimbrel

Yeah, that'll do it

 

Tigers

Upton, Zimmermann

No Dombrowski, no problem.

Cam Maybin returns!

 

Twins

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Quiet offseason

Besides Korean slugger,

Byung-Ho Park. Dingers!

 

White Sox

Lawrie, Avila,

And the Home Run Derby champ

Enter Todd Frazier.

 

Yankees

Warren for Starlin

Oh, and Aroldis Chapman

Best bullpen ever?

Jordan Shusterman is a co-founder of Cespedes Family BBQ. You can follow him on Twitter at @CespedesBBQ.