Almost-quadrillionaire's plan: pay national debt first, buy Phillies second
When Media, Pa., resident Chris Reynolds received a email statement from PayPal showing his current balance as $92,233,720,368,547,800, he had a few ideas for what to do with the miraculous windfall.
"I'm a very responsible guy," the newly minted quadrillionaire told Stephanie Farr of the Philadelphia Daily News, explaining his first action would be to pay down the United States' national debt. However, writing a measly $16.7 trillion check to Uncle Sam would barely dent his bottom line, as he'd still be left with 99.98 percent of his fortune. So Reynolds brainstormed some subsequent ideas as well.
His next order of business? Buying his hometown Philadelphia Phillies, "If I could get a great price." The team's fans have to be excited about this idea. As owner, Reynolds would have the wherewithal to sign every free agent in every offseason, to build the world's first million-seat stadium and to purchase every financial and material asset on Earth, establishing humankind's primary purpose as ensuring the team's success.
Alas, the astronomical account was apparently nothing more than a PayPal error. Sorry, Phillies fans.
-- Dan Wohl / MLB.com