Animals: Everything you know about them might be wrong

Yo, biologists. Grab some pine, I got a beef.

You've been all like, "Ailuropoda melanoleuca is part of Family Ursidae and Subfamily Ailuropodinae, which makes its kids use their own legs from day one, but marsupials hang out on some other tree halfway across the taxonomic forest in Superorders Ameridelphia and Australidelphia letting the youngins freeride for a couple years. So that means there ain't no way a panda has a pouch."

Well check it, microscope jockeys: That right there is a panda chillin' hard in a pouch. It happened and I saw it and I lived it Monday night at AT&T Park.

Here's your periodic table. Here's an eraser. Good luck starting science over from scratch.

-- Ian Kay/MLB.com