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How is Stephen Drew spending his time?

After a strong 2013 campaign, his .777 OPS ranking 4th among shortstops with at least 500 plate appearances, Stephen Drew was primed to earn a pretty penny on the free agent market. Either because of contract demands, the draft pick compensation tied up with his name, or the dropping price of bitcoin, Drew finds himself unemployed as the calendar is about to flip to May. 

So just how does a free agent baseball player spend his time? We took a peek at Stephen Drew's day planner: 

9:30 am - Wake up. Hit snooze.

9:45 am - Hit snooze again.

10:00 am - Hit snooze again.

10:15 am - Wife says wake the hell up.

10:30 am - Eat a healthy breakfast of egg whites and lean protein. Sneak a leftover cadbury creme egg. Feel guilty afterwards.

11:30 am - Play Call of Duty.

12:00 pm - Talk to Scott Boras. Get mad at him for interrupting Call of Duty. 

12:15 pm - Call Scott Boras back. Apologize for snapping at him. Spend five minutes discussing contracts, ten minutes last night's Shark Tank

12:30 pm - Eat cold pizza on the couch while wearing nothing but underwear. 

12:52 pm - Hear wife getting back home. Quickly put on pair of athletic shorts and pretend to have not been eating pizza on the couch. 

1:30 pm - Try out bizarre new "suspension-based" exercise machine. 

1:45 pm - Get tangled in the cables. Call for help. 

2:00 pm - Read up on maritime law, consider second career.

3:20 pm - Try to stave off depths of existential despair.

3:30 pm - Fail and give into pit of existential despair.

4:00 pm - Take a nap.

4:30 pm - Prank call general managers. 

4:35 pm - Get a call from Billy Beane telling him to stop prank calling him. 

5:00 pm - Eat more cold pizza. And an apple. For health. 

5:30 pm - Fall asleep reading book on maritime law. 

6:00 pm - Go out for early bird special at local diner. Order chicken fingers. 

7:30 pm - Watch old episodes of The Wire.  Cry when Omar dies.

9:30 pm - Read Garfield in bed. Laugh at his hilarious antics. 

10:00 pm - Go to sleep. Another successful day.