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This week in The Ballad of Fans and Their Ponchos: Ponchos remain an enigma

Previously, on "The Ballad of Fans and Their Ponchos": one unlucky fan in the nation's capital discovered that the poncho was about as intuitive as you would expect a garbage bag with holes cut in it to be. This week, the scene shifted to rainy Chicago, where once again man would be forced to confront its ability to avoid getting wet -- and, thus, nothing less than its own transience in the face of an unforgiving universe. 

Alas, the results were not promising:

Cubs poncho

But lo, as the saying goes, the night is always darkest before the dingers -- and luckily for these determined North Siders, their hero speaks softly and carries a big stick, the better to ease their existential angst:

Bryant homer

Sure, our lives may be one long, futile attempt to wrestle free from the poncho of existence but hey -- we've got Kris Bryant, so, fair trade?