Here are the weirdest X-factors for each National League postseason contender

Well everybody, the time is nigh. It seems like just yesterday we awoke from our winter hibernation to the warm sunshine and impossibly chrome cars of Spring Training, but the leaves are beginning to turn, and October has officially arrived. The wonderfully wacky marathon of the regular season will soon give way to the tense hothouse of the postseason.

It's been a heck of a year -- rookies mashed, babies were born, skunks skunk'd -- and we can use that weirdness as a guide to the month ahead. Are the answers to October found in cheetahs and Chia Pets? Maybe, maybe not. But that definitely won't stop us from trying. So here are the stories from this season that will give each National League postseason team an edge in the coming weeks.

Los Angeles Dodgers 

Advantage 1: Employing a ballboy who might actually be a big league outfielder in disguise

Last we checked, baseball only allowed for nine fielders at a given time, but L.A. was crafty enough to find a loophole: They snuck a professional in as a ballboy down the third-base line. At least, we're assuming that's what happened, because average Joes don't usually go up and over railings like the Dodgers' ballboy did back in August:

Good luck to opposing hitters trying to drop in a base hit on that guy. 

Advantage 2: The ability to control the movements of opposing pitchers through telekinesis

Poor Rangers reliever Keone Kela was just trying to get out of a jam in the bottom of the ninth during the Rangers-Dodgers game on June 19. He got the sign, came to a set and focused on executing a crucial pitch, totally unaware of the dark powers he was up against. Dark powers so ruthless, they engineered that rarest of endings: The balk-off:

The only solution: If there's a runner on third, just never stop pitching. 

New York Mets

Advantage 1: The all-encompassing power of the neon parakeet 

From the moment he came to the Big Apple, Yoenis Cespedes has raked like few others. But what could explain his offensive outburst? The change of scenery? Jerry Seinfeld? During a game against the Rockies at Citi Field, Mets fans got their answer: The almighty parakeet.

No sooner had it arrived than it had bestowed its power and grace on Yo himself, in the form of some pretty sweet neon arm sleeves and the ability to smash baseballs into orbit:

The bird now lies in wait, until the postseason arrives and it is needed once again. You've been warned. 

Advantage 2: A diabolical photo-changing scoreboard

Imagine you're a Mets opponent at Citi Field. You stride to the plate, ready to hit. But wait, out in center field -- that picture, it definitely isn't you. Is that ... your teammate? By the time you've answered that question, strike one has already sailed past. Just ask Yankees catcher John Ryan Murphy, who in this adaptation will be played by Chase Headley :

Well played, Citi Field scoreboard guy. Well played. 

St. Louis Cardinals

Advantage 1: Two words: Rally Squirrel

Apparently, October's favorite woodland creature wasn't satisfied with propelling the 2011 Cardinals to a World Series title. For four years later, he made his triumphant return, this time traveling all the way to Philadelphia to incur his wrath during the Cardinals-Phillies game on June 19:

What was a 4-0 St. Louis lead quickly became 11-0. We must all bow at the altar of Rally Squirrel, for he is risen again.

Advantage 2: The St. Louis dugout can supply its own power surge

When Brandon Moss doubled off the top of the wall during the Nationals-Cardinals game on Sept. 1, his teammates were less than impressed. Sure, two bases are nice, but there was clearly room for improvement. So, they decided to put Moss on the Cardinals Dugout Workout Plan (for just three easy payments of $19.95, presumably). 

What did Moss do just a few innings later? He hit a walk-off dinger, because he's apparently Popeye and air curls are his spinach:

Pittsburgh Pirates

Advantage 1: Andrew McCutchen is Lord of Thunder and Lightning

We (and, we imagine, just about everyone else) proudly subscribe to the Travis d'Arnaud method of storm avoidance:

Andrew McCutchen, though, thinks that's just some fine baseball weather:

The total nonchalance, the knowing glance upward -- there can be only one explanation. Andrew McCutchen, in addition to being really, really awesome at baseball, can control the weather with his mind:

Advantage 2: A deep, deep bench of awesome dugout dances

They say that a team that dances together, advances together. If that's the case, the Pirates have this thing locked up already. Not only do the Bucs feature Jung Ho Kang, who, though he's hurt and won't be back for the postseason, is always ready to educate the citizens of Pittsburgh on the finer points of Korean culture ...

... but Andrew McCutchen has devoted himself completely to the Pirate lifestyle and is now rowing boats in the dugout:

Clear eyes, full dance routines, can't lose.

Chicago Cubs

Advantage 1: An entire zoo full of animals at their disposal

We've joked before that Twins center fielder Byron Buxton has the speed of a jungle cat. So, it seems decidedly unfair that the Cubs now apparently have an actual jungle cat on the 40-man roster, for any pinch-running/hunting needs:

Rizzo & snow leopard #SavingSpecies @shedd_aquarium @ColumbusZoo @zoos_aquariums @Cubs pic.twitter.com/6fPqyCLpUB

- Roger Germann (@Rogmann) September 22, 2015

They even brought in a pink flamingo to help Joe Maddon strategize:

"My goal in life is to own a bar called The Pink Flamingo." -- Joe Maddon pic.twitter.com/CuEPJe83Y3

- Tyler Kepner (@TylerKepner) September 22, 2015

I mean, we guess there's no rule explicitly forbidding turning your team into an Ace Ventura movie, but still: Has "Jumanji" taught you nothing, Chicago?

Advantage 2: The traditional boundaries of a baseball field are no match for Anthony Rizzo

Sure, it may not be as significant of a competitive advantage as an actual snow leopard, but this just isn't right:

The part where the people are sitting is supposed to be out of play, Anthony!