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5 other possible careers for postseason hero Colby Rasmus and his glorious hair

Colby Rasmus was made for playing baseball. With a powerful swing and a graceful stride when tracking down fly balls, Colby Rasmus was made for playing October baseball.

In his first postseason appearance with the Cardinals in 2009, Rasmus was 4-for-9 with three doubles. This year, he hit the first home run of the postseason before adding two more in the Division Series. Not to mention, he picked up a single after literally hitting a ball off the Minute Maid roof.  


But what if Rasmus wasn't a ballplayer? What if he lived in an alternate reality where baseball didn't even exist, but he still had the same unique combination of look and skills? While such a thought is more horrifying than a vision conjured up by H.P. Lovecraft, it's something that we are going to investigate today. 

These are the five other careers we imagine Rasmus would have. 

Professional wrestler


Or, more specifically, WWE Wrestling Champ Roman Reigns. Of course, if Rasmus is Reigns, then who would Reigns be? Would he be a center fielder? Or would he pursue a career as a legal consultant? 

As for Rasmus, his signature move would most likely be the DINGER, where he takes a home run swing before leaping off the ropes to pin his opponent to the mat. Of course, if baseball doesn't exist in this reality, than he would have no idea why he had a move called the "DINGER." But surely some residue of our world would be left in his. 

Hair metal bassist


Honestly, you could probably just hand Rasmus a bass and tell him to stand around and he would look the part well enough that no one would question it. 

Smooth jazz artist


Or maybe Rasmus doesn't find his heart tugged by the squeal of guitars and spandex pants, but would prefer that bastardization of sonics, smooth jazz.

Will we ever see this version of Rasmus leak into our world, with the Astros outfielder swapping out his walk-up song for "Sentimental"? Hopefully. 

Sci-fi star


Science fiction is all about the hair styles. From the "5th Element," to "Blade Runner" to even "Battlefield Earth," everyone knows the future will have remarkable hair. And no one has more volume or silkiness in the Majors than Rasmus. It'll give him plenty of jobs in any and every sci-fi movie this alternate reality makes. 

Middle Earth adventurer


Of course, if being a ... something ... on Earth in the year 3,000 isn't Colby's steez, perhaps he'd be better off heading to Middle Earth. It would probably work out well for him -- swinging clubs and swords at orcs and fellbeasts and goblins and all manner of strange creatures. 

Honestly, the only career we can't imagine him having? Haidresser.