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5 things Giants fans need to know about their new favorite pitcher Johnny Cueto

5 things Giants fans need to know about Johnny Cueto

If Giants fans were sleeping on the start of Hot Stove season, then the team decided to wake up San Francisco on Monday -- agreeing with pitcher Johnny Cueto on a six-year, $130 million contract.


Just in case Cueto's 2015 World Series title with the Royals, that incredible new Giants emoji and the poignant Danny Tanner GIF didn't already have fans in the City by the Bay all sorts of jazzed about their newest pitcher, here are five things they need to know about the 1A option their favorite team just slotted into the starting rotation:

1. He's got the best dreads in baseball

Once upon a time, 2013 NL MVP Andrew McCutchen might have been a threat to the throne, but now Cueto sits alone atop the list of best dreadlocks in MLB. It's officially time to break out the Rasta hats out in McCovey Cove.

2. Shimmy, shimmy cocoa what?


Shimmy (shim-ee)

noun, plural shimmies

1. An American ragtime dance marked by shaking of the hips and shoulders.

The above Graphics Interchange Format bitmap image demonstrates Cueto's famous version of the move, which he often integrates into his windup on putaway pitches.

Cueto calls it the "La Mesadora," which is Spanish for "The Rocking Chair." Giants fans should sit back, relax, and allow Cueto's dance moves to rock them into a deep sleep while dreams of his 3.30 career ERA dance through their heads.

3. The Giants don't have to (try to) hit him, anymore

In six career starts against the Giants, Cueto has gone 3-1 with 2.08 ERA over 43 1/3 innings. He struck out 34 batters in that time and surrendered exactly zero home runs. One of the added bonuses of having Cueto in your starting rotation is that he's not in someone else's starting rotation.

4. This is not Johnny Cueto:

main image

That's actually his brother, Danillo. After Game 2 of the 2015 World Series -- in which Johnny surrendered just two hits in a complete-game effort -- a local TV reporter interviewed Danillo, thinking he was interviewing the One True Johnny Cueto.

Danillo told reporter Anthony Castrovince that people mistake him for his brother on the regular. Giants fans have 65 days to study up before pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training and they'll be expected to be able to differentiate the Brothers Cueto.

5. Bo Jackson he is not

Johnny Cueto bat

Cueto is a competitor, and competitors don't like to lose ... or go down on strikes. Way back when he was still a Red, Cueto failed to get a bunt down and tried to take his frustration out on the tool of his trade, but couldn't channel his inner Bo to get the job done.

For what it's worth, Cueto's actually pretty solid at the plate. He hit .162 before the Reds traded him last season, and he led all of baseball with 17 successful sacrifices in 2012.

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