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Neither National nor Marlin was safe from the capricious whims of the turf monster

Prado, Gonzalez both take a tumble during WSH-MIA

The game of baseball is beset on all sides by forces beyond our control -- sometimes the sun just feels like getting in the way, and sometimes mud decides to swallow ground balls. But above all of these engines of chaos, one reigns supreme. Every day it lurks, forever undefeated, awaiting the chance to rise up and claim its next victim.

We speak, of course, of the turf monster: the diabolical force that turns world-class athletes into the Benny Hill theme. When it's made up its mind, no one is safe, as the Marlins and Nationals learned all too well during their game on Friday. First it was Martin Prado, a man who dreamed simply of running to first base before being struck down:

Prado falling

But the monster's work was far from complete. Not even the benches were safe -- Gio Gonzalez, just minding his own, lost his war against the dugout steps:

It's clear that mankind has only one solution: Help us, Prince Fielder, your belly flops are our only hope.

Read More: Washington NationalsMiami Marlins