In the great battle between Matt Kemp and Matt Kemp's bat, there are no winners

Dear Matt Kemp's bat,

I'm just writing to say I'm sorry. I know that words can never repair the damage that was done -- quite literally, actually -- but I couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing how I felt. We've been through a lot together, you and I, and you've treated me pretty well so far this year, so I know that I owe you an explanation. 

I don't know what came over me, really. One moment the Padres and I were trying to put together a rally in the sixth inning against the D-backs, and the next I popped one up for the final out and ... oh, oh dear, I can't even bear to look at myself:

It should say something about our relationship that, even in a fit of rage, I couldn't bring myself to break you in half -- I guess I just don't know how to quit you after all. (Let the record show that I came a lot closer than that Carlos Gomez guy, though.)

I don't know how it got to this. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, back to when the only thing you and I broke were the hearts of pitchers everywhere. Oh, Batman, please forgive me. A little bit of pine tar, you'll be right as rain.

All the love in the world,

Matt Kemp