Mets-Dodgers NLDS Game 5 was dominated by great haircuts
Before Thursday's must-win Game 5, analysts spent hours investigating the teams and trying to predict how this one would turn out. Would this be a pitching duel, with whichever starter was stronger leading his team to victory? Would it be a game predicated on offense, the NLDS turning into the kind of mid-90s slugfest that exist only in our memories?
Turns out that the Mets' 3-2 victory was, like life, all predicated on hair.
Though deGrom's only other career start in which he allowed six-plus hits and three-plus walks was in a 2 2/3-inning outing when he gave up seven runs in a loss to the Phillies, the Mets pitcher managed to hold the Dodgers to only two runs to pick up the victory.
And how did he do it? His magical hair, of course. Honestly, just toss a hair flip in here and this is the opening credits to a 1970s TV show about sexy beach people:
And while Greinke took the loss, giving up three runs in 6 2/3 innings, he still struck out nine batters and hit a hard line drive that, perhaps on a breezier day or when the gods were smiling kindly, drops in for a hit.
Again, what was his secret? Maybe he was born with it, maybe it's that beautiful hair:
Had the Dodgers pulled out the victory, it would have been largely thanks to one man: A human being with hair and beard so bushy and red, the Los Angeles Fire Department routinely gets calls from passersby claiming there is a blaze that needs to be put out. I speak only of Justin Turner.
While the Dodgers were largely stymied at the plate, Turner picked up three hits, including two doubles which were the Dodgers' only extra-base hits on the day. What was his secret? Did he study scouting reports for hours going into this one? No, are you even reading this article? It was the hair! It was all in the hair!
Honestly, is this a game photo or a glamour shot?
Of course, there was one man was able to stop Turner: Noah Syndergaard. Coming out of the 'pen -- not just with a bolt of lightning and a rumble of thunder, but with his own long, glorious blonde curls -- Syndergaard showed off 100-mph fastballs en route to a perfect inning of work.
And when the blonde faced the fire, well, there was only one possible outcome:
With the Mets moving on to take on the Cubs in the NLCS starting on Saturday at 7:30 p.m. ET on TBS, it will be interesting to see what happens next in the Follicle Wars -- as the Cubs are largely long and lustrous hair-free.