Orioles are home run King Midas, turn everything they hit into home runs

Dingers! Dingers! Dingers! It's the chant that we say to ourselves and our loved ones every night. As we sit and watch baseball, we breathily mouth those words between pitches. When we kiss our loved ones goodnight, we whisper the sweet words to each other across the pillow: "Dingers, baby. Dingers." 

On Wednesday, the Orioles heard your pleas and answered them with eight home runs. It's only the 22nd time that a team has blasted that many home runs in a game (though it's become increasingly common with eight occurrences since 2005). It's also as many or more home runs than 107 qualified Major League hitters this season. 

In a word, it was glorious. It was breathaking. It was miraculous. (Unless you are a Phillies fan. In which case the 19-3 drubbing was a painful nightmare.) 

Manny Machado and Chris Parmelee hit two apiece, while Jimmy Paredes, David Lough, Chris Davis and Ryan Flaherty provided the rest. All told, it looked a little something like this: 

Vote Machado: Esurance MLB All-Star ballot

Said Ryan Flaherty after the game:

It's only fitting that the most impressive blasts were from those that had two of them. Parmelee's first can claim bragging rights with the longest at a Statcast™-estimated 448.33 feet, while Machado had the hardest hit ball with a 109-mph drive.

But while the Orioles came out on the winning side of this one, they know all too well the pain of surrendering a bushel of home runs. On Sept. 14, 1987, the Blue Jays battered the O's with an MLB-record 10 home runs in an 18-3 victory. Oddly enough, while Toronto was able to reach double-digit dingers (led by Ernie Whitt's three bombs), Jesse Barfield had zero -- despite leading the team with four hits. Baseball's weird, man.