The D-backs have created two new gloriously evil hot dog concoctions

The surgeon general requires me to warn you that reading this post too many times in quick succession may cause cardiac arrest.

OK, now: LOOK AT THOSE FOODSTUFFS.

The D-backs will introduce two hot dog-type items at Chase Field concession stands this season, and they sound deliriously tantalizing.

The one up top is a bacon-stuffed corn dog. Each of those words is individually amazing, but they're truly magnificent when combined together.

The item on the bottom is the ominously titled Venom Dog -- a foot-long habanero sausage, with beans, guacamole and sour cream.

Just imagine watching Paul Goldschmidt do his thing while snarfing down one of those two beauties: a little slice of heaven in downtown Phoenix.