'Dancing with the Astros' takes the stage in Houston: The performances reviewed

On Sunday, the Astros and Minute Maid hosted the first-ever "Dancing with the 'Stros" event at Houston's House of Blues, with proceeds benefiting the Astros Foundation's Urban Youth Academy. Each competing Astro was teamed with a professional dancer, and the pairs had 45 minutes to prepare a short routine before taking the stage. How'd they do? Well ...

Jake Elmore (Cha-cha)

To "U Can't Touch This," the second baseman walked around his partner, Katia Kuznetsova, in a circle -- and to the beat, so props for that -- then crossed his arms. It's to Katia's credit that she did a whole lot of capital-D Dancing, but I'm not sure if Jake's moves should be categorized as the cha-cha, or something out of the Walking Around and Crossing Your Arms school of choreography.

Degree of difficulty: 2

Execution: 3.5

Trevor Crowe (Merengue)

As with Jake and Katia, it's Trevor's partner Yana Kristal who (with the aid of a chair and a trench coat, whose function in the dramatic narrative remains unclear) did all the heavy lifting. That said, as far as ballplayers go, the outfielder offered the competition's first example of something that could rightly be described as "dancing." Crowe also earned bonus points for his shiny red blouse and sequined suspenders.

Degree of difficulty: 3

Execution: 5

Jose Altuve (Salsa)

From the moment he tossed his sparkly fedora into the crowd, Jose Altuve was on. He and partner Julie Rodriguez turned in a more-than-capable performance, with the second baseman proving he has more hip-swiveling rhythm per inch than any dancer around. Nobody puts Altuve in a corner.

Degree of difficulty: 5

Execution: 8.5

Dallas Keuchel (Jive)

Just when "Dancing with the 'Stros" had lulled us into a false sense of security, Dallas Keuchel came along and shattered everything we thought we knew about dance. The southpaw jumped right into "Candyman" -- snapping his fingers, kicking his legs, and smiling with all his teeth -- before flipping partner Jeanine Stewart over his shoulder and into a handstand. What. Just. Happened.

Degree of difficulty: 9

Execution: 6

And the winner is ... Dallas!

Maybe this is how he spends the off-season?