Watch this Pirates Pierogi racer kneecap his competitor on the way to victory

You may remember Aesop's fable "The Tortoise and the Hare," in which two racing animals teach us an important life lesson: slow and steady wins the race. But there's a slightly different moral at the end of this Pirates Pierogis fable. 

One day, Potato Pete was boasting about his speed, telling all who would listen that he had won the Pirates Pierogi race more times in a row than any other anthropomorphic dumpling.

Said Cheese Chester, "If I weren't on crutches right now, I'd give you a run, haha, for your filling."

"Is that a challenge?" said Potato Pete.

"No, it was just a pun, I'm on the dumpling DL, I - "

"YOU'RE ON!" said Pete.

So a course was fixed and between the fifth and sixth innings of Friday's Reds-Pirates game, the race began. Potato Pete took off, though he had not seen Cheese Chester. He was approaching the finish line when his crutch-supported competitor appeared. 

"Hey Pete!" yelled Chester. "Just wanted to tell you good -- AHHHH!"

"HA HA! You can't beat me!" yelled Pete, snatching Chester's crutch, pushing the other pierogi into the wall. "I AM THE WINNER!"

"…owwwww," said Chester:

MORAL:Beat up your competition and you'll win every race (unless you come up against Teddy Roosevelt):