How could newest Red Sox David Price spend his new $217 million contract?

It's been almost a month since the Royals took the 2015 World Series. Thanksgiving has come and gone. And yet, for the most part, the Hot Stove remained decidedly lukewarm. Where were the deals? The signings? The rampant John Axford Twitter speculation? 

Apparently, they were all hiding in the month of December: The Red Sox nearly broke the Internet on Tuesday, inking ace left-hander and human emoji David Price to a 7-year, $217 million contract. It's the largest contract ever awarded to a pitcher, and the $31 million average yearly value ties Miguel Cabrera for the biggest in baseball history. In sum: 

But just how much money is $217 million? What could it get you? Now that David has signed his Goliath contract (ahem), we've offered some suggestions.

The world's most elaborate doghouse for the game's most adorable dog

Price already showers his bulldog Astro with love, affection and the occasional key to the city. But a a face that precious deserves the best things money can buy, and it turns out that money can buy a lot -- like, for example, a house with a daybed and plasma TV, available for the low price of $417,000. 520 doghouses seems about right, no?

Enough popcorn to flood New England

When Price was traded to the Blue Jays this summer, Toronto welcomed him in the only appropriate fashion: mounds and mounds of popcorn.

Sorry to hear about the car troubles @DAVIDprice14! Your locker is ready for you when you arrive! #sharingiscaring pic.twitter.com/m8mWWY5wAq

- Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) July 31, 2015

Fear not, David. Thanks to your new deal, you'll have all of the theater snacks you could possibly imagine -- about 100 million, give or take a few boxes. 

Funding a tour for his Prince cover band, Price and the Revolution

You didn't think we could make it through this without at least one Price pun, did you?

At the very least, $217 million should buy him a spot in the vaunted Boston athlete music scene:

The finest custom glove in baseball

Befitting a man of his stature, Price has a taste for high fashion -- as evidenced by the bright blue glove he busted out during this year's ALDS:

Now, though, Price can finally execute his grand vision: a glove made of actual gold (painted red for his new team, of course).

The entire discography of Coldplay

Earlier this year, Price boldly went where few athletes have publicly gone before: He admitted that Coldplay's "Clocks" was his favorite road trip song (and asked that you not judge him). The band has put out seven albums to date, so after some rough calculations, Price could buy the complete collection about 2-3 million times -- along with some road trip companions who won't mock his musical choices.