According to Wall Street Journal scribe Brian Costa, Mets vice president of media relations Jay Horwitz leads the league in accidental butt dials. During his 33 years in the job, Horwitz has amassed an impressive phonebook; one which he has mistakenly called into service every day, several times per day. Take time to read the whole thing, because it's truly a remarkable piece of journalism. But to whet your appetite, here are the eight best quotes:
Horwitz, 67, may be the Cal Ripken Jr. of public-relations men, hardly ever taking a day off. But he is the Barry Bonds of butt dialers, putting up staggering numbers and shattering all records. By now, his career butt dials number in the thousands.
The THOUSANDS? Dude, get an iPhone.
"I swear to God, I don't know how I do it," Horwitz said. "I'm not real mechanical."
It's really not that hard to prevent, right? Can't you just lock your Blackberry?
For whatever reason, he refuses to lock his BlackBerry.
Oh.
"When I got back to my locker, I checked my phone and the missed call was from 8:10 p.m.," [Ike] Davis said. "I'm like, why would he call me at that time? I'm at first base. He sees me at first base."
"Doesn't he know first base has horrible cell reception? Come on man, you've been here 30 years."
Players try to seek refuge during the off-season, but the butt dialer finds them. Ex-Met Jason Bay learned that the hard way a few winters ago. "I called him back right away and said, 'What's going on?'" Bay said. "He said, 'What do you mean what's going on?'"
You see, it says a lot about Horwitz that even with such an infamous idiosyncrasy, guys call him back almost immediately. That's what happens when you're incredible.
During a 2010 game against the Rockies in Denver, Horwitz accidentally called ex-Met Livan Hernandez from the Coors Field press box. Hernandez, who was then pitching for the Nationals, returned the call from his locker in Washington a short while later. The ensuing conversation played out like an Abbott and Costello skit.
"Jay?"
"Livo?"
"You called me?"
"You called me."
"Let's go."
"We can't."
"Why not?"
"We're waiting for Godot."
"Ah!"
To this day, Horwitz accidentally calls Hernandez once a month, for reasons unknown to both men.
Do you think they have that conversation every time? I really hope they do.
"His butt's got a mind of its own."
Dial on, Jay. Dial on.
-- Dakota Gardner / MLB.com
(Photo via @Jay_HorwitzPR)
