Twitter Fantasy League, Finale: Down to the wire

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This one, folks, came down to the wire. The top three teams finished within one point of each other -- a first in TFL history.
It might surprise you to see who came in first. Let's just say through grit, determination, hard work, great scouting and a bit of luck, our former cellar-dwellers pulled a Jeffersons and moved right on up. Or, if you will, they are out that Brooklyn, now they're down in TriBeCa.
OK, I'll stop being coy -- I won! I did! The rest these suckas ain't got nothing on me! They came close -- oh, they came close -- but true greatness cannot be contained. Check out this picture the team took of me after I won:
1. Matt Christopher's Nightmare -- Dakota Gardner -- 153 points
"Failure"?? https://t.co/iV5XKZ00g6
- Andre Drummond (@DRE_DRUMMOND_) June 7, 2013
I owe a lot to Andre Drummond. After a disastrous first month in the TFL, I regrouped and chose Drummond first overall in the June draft. It was a big gamble -- with the NBA offseason approaching, how would Drummond react to the suddenly-wide-open schedule?
Let me tell you, he showed up to play.
First of all, Drummond is the master of the Vine. Nary a day went by without some weird, six second modern art piece; usually constructed as either a joke or the capturing of an odd moment in the seven-foot center's life.
He's goofy. He's funny. He's sardonic. He's basically everything you want an Twitter Fantasy League player to be, and more.
The only negative about his tweet-game, and I mean the only negative, was his incessant need to tweet Chris Brown lyrics. I added a self-imposed -1 tax on that because, as we all know, Chris Brown is the worst.
But, in the end, Drummond even redeemed himself for that.
Thank you, Andre Drummond. After your stellar rookie season proving the haters wrong, you walked on to Matt Christopher's Nightmare and took the TFL over. May we meet again soon.
2 (tied). Jackie Robinson Onassis -- Molly Fitzpatrick -- 152 points
Dwaiters ?? cuppin it up https://t.co/3Z9TK3GQoF
- Dion Waiters (@dionwaiters3) June 22, 2013
Oops, I did it again. My team racked up 152 points in June, topping my total of 125 last month.
My personal favorite member of my roster was easily Dion Waiters, who produces legitimately hilarious Vines and speaks fluent Emoji. Elena Delle Donne's tweets were peppered with the hashtags #skyhigh (in reference to her WNBA team, the Chicago Sky) and #focused (in reference to her, well, focus). These didn't make for a particularly interesting read, but it did earn me a respectable 28 points.
But Team Jackie Robinson Onassis's beautiful, beautiful diamond of an MVP was Russell Wilson, who in addition to being pretty good at football (I guess), is a fantasy Twitter goldmine. You see, Wilson is a man of faith, and he loves to post what he calls #BVDs -- that is, Bible Verses of the Day. Each of these gems grants me an inspirational quote point, as well as a hashtag point for #BVD itself. As of June 28, Russell has tweeted a #BVD every day this month except the 26th. Two points per #BVD times 27 days equals a whopping 54 points. Hallelujah!
#dynasty #KingJames #hatersgonnahate
2 (tied). Team #WOHLO -- Dan Wohl -- 152 points
I swear on everything I love, if I could get close enough to the sun, I'd punch it in the throat.
- Kendall Marshall (@KButter5) June 29, 2013
What can one say about Kendall Marshall? The man is a tweeting superstar. Over the course of a single month he gave lengthy lectures on how the solution to any predicament is to "#PlayDead," how he fantasizes about a woman who wears Chipotle-scented perfume, and how while he has "done a lot of wrong things in my life" the "worst" was watching the film LOL, which made this TFL manager ALOL (actually laugh out loud). The Phoenix Sun also expressed a desire to punch the sun in the throat, which didn't quite qualify as trash-talking his own team. All in all, Marshall was hashtag/deep thought/emoji triple threat monster in June.
Chandler Jones, meanwhile, was a disappointment. While he is partial to inspirational quotes and life lessons, he did not provide much other value at all aside from some cryptic deep thoughts about how far a #2 pencil can take you. At least he managed to avoid any negative points.
Tayler Hill was something of a one-trick pony, but what a trick it is! The number of emojis she uses in a month could sustain a small Japanese town. No one was a bigger beneficiary of the last-minute rule change to include emojis as point-getters, although she also came with one caveat: The Washington Mystic is committed to tweeting more than one "LOL" at a time. Still, a very solid showing for a third-round pick.
4. MyCousinTweeter -- Matt Monagan -- 43 points
Enough said!!!! Game face on ? pic.twitter.com/TNTytv9eNn
- Lavonte David (@NewEra_54) June 19, 2013
So, I thought I had a strong draft.
Other GM's told me, "Oh yeah, Danica Patrick is great. She's funny on Twitter."
"Jae Crowder? Very underrated. He should get you a ton of points."
Yeah, yeah … no. At first, I was like "43 points? That's a tremendous score." And then I realized we weren't updating on a weekly basis anymore and this was my total for all of June.
Danica spends a lot of time tweeting about GoDaddy.com, but she did deliver some food pics and this lasting image of her face.
Besides also tweeting lovely pictures of himself, Jae Crowder hung out with some of his Marquette buddies leading up to Draft night.
Lavonte David live-tweeted the NBA finals with commentary like this, followed by this. Oh, and he may have also been texting with Lebron James …
5. J.R. Smith and Sons Plumbing Co. -- Ian Kay -- 26 points
Pleasantly surprised at how good a movie The Internship was with Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson. Not as funny as you would expect but good
- Robert Griffin III (@RGIII) June 8, 2013
The right No. 1 pick - such as, say, upgrading the roster's most vital position from Rex Grossman to Robert Griffin III -- can forever change a franchise's destiny. Of course, only a lucky few (poorly constructed) teams have the opportunity to select elite prospects. And not every draft has a Bob Griffin sitting near the top of the first round.
But this one did.
So J.R. Smith and Sons Plumbing Co., formerly lovable losers, announced their selection of Mr. Griffin (25 points) and immediately graduated to just-as-lovable mediocrity. The multi-threat QB inspired his followers. He communicated with other athletes of note. He trash-talked various teammates (over pickup basketball, but still). And his 25 points vaulted into JRSASPC positive scoring despite relative no-shows from Brittany Griner (3) and Trevor Bauer (-2).
-- Dakota Gardner and the Cut4 Staff