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Twitter Fantasy League, Week 3: To the World

The Cut4 staff, in an attempt to create a fantasy sport they're actually good at, invented the Twitter Fantasy League. Here, you can follow their progress as they learn exactly how to play it

Right now, it's looking like it would take a disastrous final week for Molly to fall out of first place, and so I'd like to take this time to spotlight an amazing tweet from outside the league.

First of all, please note that former Raven Bernard Pollard's twitter handle is @Crushboy31. Secondly, Pollard tweeted this. To quote my friend Nic, "the Lord rewards his servants in mysterious ways."

On to the standings:

1) Jackie Robinson Onassis -- Molly Fitzpatrick -- 94 points

I'm +22 (+7 Azarenka, +11 Jennings and +4 Pierce) for the week, making my total for the month so far +94.

Alas, Kerri Walsh Jennings seems to have recovered from her post-Mother's Day baby-Instagramming mania, instead choosing to post photos of her older kids (who, while cute, ain't worth anything for me). But she did retweet a fair number of inspirational quotes -- keep them sweet, sweet points coming, lady.

Bernard Pierce brought me four Emoji points this round, but the clear highlight of his social media week was when he got lost while out in Baltimore with Michael Oher. The Ravens running back mysteriously elected to communicate with his teammate via Twitter instead of just calling or texting him. Oher, of course, is on Dan's roster. Could this be the first inter-team @-replying contact in the history of our league?

Though Victoria Azarenka just lost to Serena Williams in the Italian Open, the young tennis star spent her downtime in Rome killing it on Twitter, churning out seven points in hashtags and Emojis. I learned from a twitpic @vika7 posted that she's dating that guy from LMFAO (apparently this is common knowledge -- he even used her trademark grunt in a song), and also that that guy from LMFAO dresses like that all the time.

2) Team #WOHLO -- Dan Wohl -- 71 points

If there's one thing you can say about Team #WOHLO, it's that they're disciplined and fundamentally sound -- They weren't assessed for a single negative point this week. Unfortunately the positive total wasn't very awe-inspiring either though.

One bright spot was Missy Franklin hitting her emoji stride. Suns, baseballs, graduation hats, dog heads - Unicode was getting a workout from Ms. Franklin. She also stepped up her hashtagging game, and thanks to her social media influence, I now consider us TFL #bestiesforlife, assuming this is going to be a keeper league.

Disappointment this week came from Michael Oher, whose customary mother lode of deep thoughts was somewhat depressed. Possible reasons include the NBA playoffs (Oher's favored topic of consideration) eliminating a few teams, and a visit to the Preakness Stakes, which was dominated by non-deep thought tweets.

And Dustin Penner remains the sleeper of this team. Unfortunately, his huge potential is not ready to be tapped yet, as the Kings lead the Sharks 3-2 in their playoff series. Penner could only muster a single hashtag, although he did have one fleeting trash talk moment, wondering aloud if junior league player Max Domi could pull off a particular fancy pass during "a big game."

3) MyCousinTweeter -- Matt Monagan -- 46 points

A pretty poor effort from MyCousinTweeter. Not sure if my squad was looking forward to Memorial Day Weekend (it's not like they get the days off or anything. No one ever stops tweeting on this team), or the recent heat wave slowed things down, but we only totaled 11 points. I don't know, guys. We could be seeing some big changes around here very soon …

Novak Djokovic was traveling all over the place for tennis but managed to make a few videos that included food (is this a point?) and shoehorned in some hashtags.

Vonta Leach watched Dancing with the Stars. That was about it.

And George Kontos did his best to motivate our team with inspirational words from himself and Rocky Balboa

4) J.R. Smith and Sons Plumbing Co. -- Ian Kay -- 32 points

5) Matt Christopher's Nightmare -- Dakota Gardner -- -21 points

Brad Keselowski said some funny stuff and Torrey Smith said this and that BLAH BLAH BLAH.

You know, sometimes it seems like everything happens for a reason. This American Life did a story about a woman who wrote her name on a dollar bill, imagining that if someone returned it to her one day, it would mean he was her soulmate. Then, years later, a man she'd been on a few dates with presented her the selfsame dollar, nonchalantly mentioning that he'd come across it that day and thought of her. She sat in stunned silence for a moment, eventually telling him she'd explain later. They're now married.

When I drafted Floyd Mayweather, my fantasy season immediately was over. I was mad. I lashed out. I said some things that I regret. But now, I realize, that was meant to happen. I was meant to be in last and do irreperable damage to my team -- all in the service of this one, single tweet. For had I not drafted Floyd, I would never have so urgently dropped him in favor of Usain Bolt. Had I not done that, we might never have seen this incredible, beautiful picture.

I've made peace with my disasterous month. It was never about fantasy points, funny tweets, or even about winning. It was about something more than that -- the hope of one day learning something more about athletes, individualism and even humanity itself. This picture demonstrates exactly that, for we can all see something of ourselves in this picture. It's the story of us.

-- Dakota Gardner and the Cut4 Staff