Phanatic defeats pirate attempting to raid Citizens Bank Park

Some pirates want treasure and a lifetime supply of eyeliner, but if they can't get that, they'll apparently settle for destroying pieces of the Phillies' uniforms.

When the capital-P Pirates took on Philadelphia on Wednesday night, a one-eyed marauder brazenly attempted to deface a Philadelphia batting helmet. Naturally, the Phanatic had no choice but to draw his bat and leap into the fray:

You might think that in the blunt object versus sharp-pointy-sword contest, the Phanatic would come off worse. Luckily, he managed to defeat the pirate with the old "hey let's stop our fight and look at the supermoon" trick, distracting him long enough for a timely push to the ground:

But while the Phanatic may have triumphed over that pirate, the Phillies themselves weren't quite so lucky, falling to Pittsburgh 6-3.