Spotted: The mystical mustachioed Astros fan
We've all heard the stories around the campfire late at night -- stories about a man, nay, a mythical creature, that stalks Houston's Minute Maid Park.
They tell of a creature eight feet tall with blazing red eyes, a straw cowboy hat that blots out the sun and a mustache of such prodigious length and brittleness that it defies gravity and can be fashioned into a crude tool.
They have a name for this creature: Valentin Jalomo. Jalomo. Even the name sounds mystical.
And sure, you may laugh when you hear tales of this man; for, surely he's not real. No warm-blooded mammal could be all of those things.
Remain ignorant to the truth if you want, but the Orioles broadcast crew caught sight of him during Thursday night's game against the Astros.
Just watch as he stalks the concourse:
And if you take off your glasses, blur the footage and squint, doesn't he begin to resemble this:
One man was even able to capture interview footage with Jalomo in which he states that hairspray is required to give his mustache its trademark shape. Of course, the skeptics claim that with the poor lighting, it could simply be a man disguised as Jalomo under the oversized hat.
Quite like Bigfoot's footprint, Jalomo leaves a calling card behind wherever he goes:
Can all of this evidence really be faked? Can we really ignore the facts and pretend that the mythical Jalomo isn't real any longer -- that he doesn't walk amongst us at baseball games?
Hopefully the Bigfoot Files can start a spinoff, The Search for Jalomo, and give us the definitive answer we already hold in our hearts. I know Dustin Pedroia would be interested.