Celebrate the most fun moments of the 2015 MLB season with the Cut4 Tips of the Cap
In the past couple of weeks, we've seen a lot of great players pick up Rookie of the Year Awards, MVPs, Cy Youngs, Esurance Awards, and other esteemed accolades. Keeping in that spirit, we present the awards that speak not to just to the head, but to the heart, as well: The Cut4 Tips of the Cap.
Let's open up these envelopes and see who took home baseball's greatest made-up prizes.
Best Bat Flipper
Most years, you'd expect that Yasiel Puig would clean up in this category. But just as your favorite punk band decided to settle down and go in a new direction, Puig vowed to keep them in check. I know, we're disappointed, too.
Fortunately, his former teammate, Zack Greinke picked up the slack. Greinke, a pitcher, actually hit better than the batters he faced did, posting a .575 OPS compared to a .507 OPS against.
So flip out, indeed.
Best at Only Hitting One Home Run
Which player led the league in plate appearances with only one home run? None other than the Phillies' Cesar Hernandez, who came to the plate 452 times, only getting to jog around them once. While we normally highlight the Giancarlo Stantons of the baseball world, today we honor the not-quite-Bigfoots -- a rare sighting we feel fortunate to witness with our own eyes.
Baseball players love to dance. It shouldn't be shocking: They're all athletic individuals that select their favorite song before they even walk up to the plate.
But as the Pirates became the leading club in danceitude, it's only fair that we give it to their band leader and chief-booty-shaker Andrew McCutchen.
Best Dancer while Playing
It's very hard to dance while playing. Sure, some have called Griffey's smooth, graceful, effortless swing a kind of modern dance or body poetry, but it's not what your average grandmother in Grand Forks, Mich. would call a "dance."
Fortunately, for her, there's Johnny Cueto. Who makes sure to stop, whoa and wiggle with it in during his wind-up.
Best Pitcher who May or May not Be Traversing the Time Stream
While Cueto likes to shimmy for the cameras, it turns out that Ross Ohlendorf likes to break the rules of physics when he plays baseball.
Hopefully he knows enough not to step on any bugs, or history could be changed in bizarre and terrifying ways.
Best moment of the entropy
Reality is a chaotic mess of atoms swirling around and crashing into each other. It's why we make things like sports, where we get to create simple rules that give us a sense of control.
Sometimes that control falls apart in the most absurd of ways. Like when Gregor Blanco struck out and yet found himself standing on third base when everything was said and done. Embrace the chaos.
While we recognize that this is subjective, and some might argue that a player like Joey Votto has the best eyes for how selective he is at the plate (he actually also has the best eyebrows), this one was simple:
None other than the blue-eyed wonder Kris Bryant.
Honestly, a part of me thinks that some terrifying government experiment caused him to leap into our world from the hand-drawn cover of an early Matt Christopher baseball novel.
Best Hair That Also Doubles as a Convenient Pillow, Head Scarf or Parachute
Sure, "best hair" means that the man bun-fans (those exist?) would vote for Josh Donaldson, while others may believe that Marcus Stroman's mushroom cloud is the best look.
But neither of those looks are fashion-forward and double as a handy life-saving tool if you find yourself skydiving with a broken parachute. I'm guessing that's why Jacob deGrom grew the hair -- even if he did scare us by threatening to chop it off.
Best Player at Performing the Entire First Iron Maiden Album in his Parents' Garage
Is this really a question? Colby Rasmus in a unanimous vote.
Best use of Batman by an entire city
While plenty of players showed off their love of Batman on the field, or discussed their massive Batman collections, only one player got the entire city to show off its Batman cred: A.J. Burnett. With the pitcher returning from a DL stint in September, the the city of Pittsburgh and DC Comics teamed up to make sure that the Batman logo was emblazoned high in the sky.
Of course, that's just the official story. The real story is likely that Burnett is Batman, and he used this symbol to terrify all the criminals into staying home for the night so he could focus on pitching. TRUST NO ONE.
Munenori Kawasaki Award for Being Munenori Kawasaki
Of course, just as the Oscars end with Best Picture, we end on our best award, too: the Munenori Kawasaki Award for Being Munenori Kawasaki. Yes, in a year where he came up with new hand signals, celebrated no-hitters in Triple-A, and revealed that he buys his coffee by calling himself Michael Jordan, Muni saved his best for the cameras. As always.
On the same day that he recited his ABCs for a Canadian broadcast, Kawasaki revealed his secret for winning baseball:
"Just swing. Just throw. Just catch. Don't think, everybody. Just win."
Eat your heart out, Tom Emanski.