A farewell ode to Jeff Karstens and his unforgettable pitch face
An ode to Jeff Karstens' unforgettable pitch face
If you weren't paying attention, a piece of sad news came out this week: Jeff Karstens retired.
"So," you ask, "What's the big deal?"
What's the big deal? Sure, Karstens' career wasn't very long or notable -- going 26-40 with a 4.44 ERA before a shoulder injury eventually ended his career after the 2012 season.
But that's ignoring the poetry of Karstens -- that his fastball rarely broke 90 mph; that he walked just 1.8 batters per nine innings over his last three seasons; and that his pitch face was the most beautiful thing on the field.
Today we honor that man ... with a poem. Please play this song as you read:
To the mad genius Karstens
On this day we honor
Your fastball wasn't fast
And now you are a goner
But you were so much more
Than just a simple pitcher
With skin that stretched and moved and wriggled
We are all the richer
Like a cross between that
Alien from "Men in Black,"
Some ghoulish zombie,
And potatoes in a sack
Your face took on
The hopes of a nation
That was lost amidst
An endless recession
You lifted and guided
And carried our dreams
With a puppet's face
Where we could see the seams
We're all the richer
For having borne witness
As you hurled that ol' horsehide
With your physical fitness
So, shine on, you
Beautiful gem
As we imprint your visage
Onto our brain stems.