After trading for nearly everyone, here are the Padres' next five rumored deals

The Padres have been busy this offseason. The team has acquired an entire new outfield in Wil Myers, Matt Kemp and Justin Upton. They have a new third baseman in Will Middlebrooks and have brought in one new catcher (Derek Norris) while trading away three others (Ryan Hanigan, Rene Rivera, Yasmani Grandal). 

At this point, young children go to bed and ask their parents, "Is Padres GM A.J. Preller going to trade for me while I sleep?" 

For all we know, Preller could still be on the prowl, looking for fresh talent. But with seemingly no Major League players left to trade for, who or what's next for the Padres?

Here are five trades in the rumor mill: 

1. Wil Myers for William Meyers, better known as George "The Animal" Steele

2. Doug in accounting and a 12-pack of pens for Peg Timpkins, bookkeeper at ACE Audits and Taxes. 

3. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a can of soda from the vending machine for three chocolate chip cookies made by Bud Black's mother.

4. Two desktop computers for one sick laptop that's got, like, a zillion rad games on it.

5. A.J. Preller and a player to be named later for the FUTURE A.J. Preller, who has returned to our time with a grave warning.

(Artist's Rendering)