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Aroldis Chapman makes All-Stars look like Little Leaguers with endless 100-plus mph pitches

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if you were plucked from the street and inserted into a Major League lineup? Well, wonder no more. Because Aroldis Chapman made not just Major Leaguers, but All-Stars, look like toddlers who, for some reason, were given bats and trotted out to the plate.  

After starting out Brock Holt with a pedestrian 99-mph fastball, Chapman proceeded to rattle off 13 more pitches the rest of the inning with only one coming in under 100 mph. He easily struck out the side. 

Seriously, you tell me how a toddler would have done any worse in this situation? 

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Though science has proved that it's literally impossible to hit, Mark Teixeira wasn't exactly happy about it: 

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Either that or he just accidentally swallowed his retainer. We've all been there. 

Of course, it's not surprising. Just look at the Statcast list of fastest pitches this season. The last time one person so thoroughly dominated a roll, Tammany Hall was buying up votes. That's not even the full list, by the way, just all that could fit in a single screenshot. 

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Even still, that doesn't mean you stop appreciating beauty. Even if you have eaten 100 In-N-Out cheeseburgers, do you ever stop craving In-N-Out cheeseburgers?

And so the internet exploded as Chapman threw triple-digit 1995-film-starring-Robert-De Niro-and-Al-Pacino (aka Heat.) 

Dan Haren, a fellow Major Leaguer, admitted that he has nothing on Chapman: 

Doug Glanville realized Chapman would probably be a boon to science: 

There were some great ideas thrown around on the best way to determine All-Stars in the future: 

And Mike Moustakas tasted the cold truth of betrayal from his manager. 

Of course, it's possible that it wasn't the velocity that so thoroughly dominated Chapman's fellow All-Stars. They may simply have been hypnotized by the gorgeous, sparkling baseball-sized diamonds in his ears.