Torii Hunter strips down in epic ejection tirade -- so bat boy cleans up after him. This is his story
Unhappy with a called strike three in the eighth inning on Wednesday night, Torii Hunter got mad. Really mad. Like, probably so mad he was worried that he was going to turn into the Hulk and tear through his uniform and then he'd have to pay back the team's uniform assistant for a new one and that would be a whole thing, so he made the responsible choice: He took it off.
Well, he didn't so much as take it off as he hurled his wristband and jersey as if he was competing in a javelin event, but that's semantics:
Once Hunter was sent to the showers, someone had to pick up all of that dirty laundry. If you ever wondered just who that falls to, well, it's the bat boy:
Here is now his story, told in classic "Law & Order"-style when the bartender never has time to actually stop wiping down the bar to talk to the police:
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD. Bat boy picks up Hunter's gear. Two baseball investigators enter. They look a lot like Ice-T and Richard Belzer.
Baseball Investigator One: Hey, you ever see this guy?
/Holds up picture of Torii Hunter.
Bat boy: Yeah, I seen him. Was just here a few minutes ago. You just missed him.
Investigator Two: You know what happened to him?
Bat boy: Yeah, he was just going about his business at the plate, you know, like he does every day. But something ticked him off -- don't know what, I didn't have a great view. Guessing a call he didn't like or whatever. All of a sudden, flips his lid. Starts arguing with people. That's the last I saw.
Investigator One: You know who he was arguing with?
Bat boy: Some guy in a mask. But not like a Jason mask or whatever. Like a --
Investigator Two: Like an umpire's mask?
Bat boy: Yeah, that's it. Started arguing with a guy in an umpire's mask. Next thing I know, clothes come off and Hunter's gone. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to the dugout. We got baseball to play.
Batboy exits. Investigators look at each other with a meaningful stare. DUN DUN.