Brandon McCarthy's wife is happy he was traded to the Yankees because he has to shave his beard

Here at Cut4, we're hyper-aware of the strong, positive correlation between the length of a player's facial hair and his WAR figure. It's proven science.

In other corners of the world, like Brandon McCarthy's home, beards aren't necessarily regarded with the same esteem. The Yankees acquired the hurler (and some cash) from the Diamondbacks on Sunday in exchange for Vidal Nuno. Shortly after the deal was announced, McCarthy's wife took to Twitter to taunt her husband, reminding him that the Yankees uniform policy will require him to shave his beard.

Haha @BMcCarthy32 you have to shave that nasty thing growing on your face! I WIN

- Amanda McCarthy (@Mrs_McCarthy32) July 6, 2014

We just hope that McCarthy's wife will be kind enough to console him as he cuts a part of himself off and washes it down the drain. If she loves him at all, she'll give him a shoulder to cry on and all the aftershave he'll need to get through this trying ordeal.