Dee Gordon pre-breaks Kit Kats to save them from barbarian Giancarlo Stanton
As you're all aware by now, Giancarlo Stanton eats Kit Kats like a monstrous barbarian with no respect for the rules of a civilized society:
Dee Gordon does not like this. Dee Gordon does not like this at all. Recently, the Marlins second baseman told Cut4 that the first time he saw Stanton flout the sixth Candy Commandment (the first is "Thou shalt not eat just the center of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup what dost thou thinkest this is, the nineties?"), he was a little stunned.
"I was like, 'So we just do anything we want in this life now?'" said Gordon. "I guess when you have 300 million dollars you can do anything you want.'"
But he wasn't about to take this kind of behavior lying down.
"I tried to break [a Kit Kat] inside the paper before he got to it, but he just put it back and got another one."
This is actually a pretty good plan. The only flaw is that there were still unbroken candy bars to be found. So, readers and upholders of candy decency, pre-break all Kit Kats in your vicinity whenever you think Giancarlo Stanton might be coming. Stay strong, Dee. We're here for you.
UPDATE: Things are getting drastic for Dee: