How to host a last-minute baseball-themed Thanksgiving dinner
Just woke up and forgot that it was Thanksgiving? Hosting a large gathering and there are no turkeys to be found? Have no fear then, because we're here to help. Even better, we'll be turning your Thanksgiving into a baseball-themed affair. Because every holiday is better with baseball.
To start with, forget the turkey. Besides being hard to cook and impossible to buy this late in the game, they're also bland and flavorless. Somehow everyone forgets this come Thanksgiving.
Instead, pick up a few packages of turkey hot dogs (slightly healthier for you than normal hot dogs). Then follow this Huffington Post recipe in which you tie the tubed meats together to form a terrifying Frankensteinian turkey made of sausages.
Of course, now you need stuffing. Just draw some inspiration from the seventh-inning stretch: all you need are some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Mix 'em together, stuff them into the hot-dog-turkey-object and let the drippings turn it into a veritable ball of flavormush.
For vegetables, feel free to provide your guests with a few cans of corn or just let them spoon themselves an entire bowl of chopped onions and pickle relish. That's practically a salad.
Can't go without a sweet potato casserole? Then just toss these highlights on the ol' TV. That's right, these are sweet taters.
Those are more filling than any mere food.
For dessert, just call up Adam Jones. Like Santa Claus, Jones will be traveling the country in a single night, shoving whipped cream pies into everyone's faces.
Follow these simple rules and your Thanksgiving celebration should be the best one ever. You can thank me later.