Jay Buhner's Seinfeld impression and the rest of the best Mariners commercials of the '90s
The only force more powerful than Nelson Cruz's home run swing is '90s nostalgia: The laugh tracks, the backward jerseys, the awful pants ...
And there's no shortage of that power available to the Mariners now that the team has uploaded all of their old commercials online to promote season-ticket plans, a treasure trove of 30-second spots featuring your favorite Mariners, past and present.
Felix Hernandez as a ventriloquist, Jay Buhner shaving off Bret Boone's frosted tips ... they're all available online and will probably contribute to a sincere reduction in your productivity at work over the next hour or so. If you're looking to save yourself some time, here are our five favorites:
Jay Buhner playing up his iconic "Seinfeld" mention
For those of you not well-versed in the television genius of Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, Buhner's named popped up in the old NBC sitcom, "Seinfeld." When George takes a gig with the Yankees, his father eventually gets to meet George Steinbrenner and promptly chews him out for trading Buhner to the Mariners for Ken Phelps.
Pie training is the best kind of training
Sure, it's now Adam Jones and the Orioles who are most renowned for their ability to slam pies into their teammates' faces after big plays, but back in the late '90s, the Mariners were widely considered the best of the best. Fundamentals, people. That's how the good get great.
Seasoned thespian Alex Rodriguez reads Shakespeare while playing shortstop
Yup, that's A-Rod reading from Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice" to dupe a runner into getting picked off second base.
Ken Griffey Jr. haunts the minds of opposing pitchers
You might not be able to diagnose the yips, but you can definitely diagnose a phobia common among AL West pitchers of the 1990s: Fear of having to pitch to The Kid over and over and over again to the same, awesome result.
Tiger Woods + Bugs Bunny = Ichiro
Fresh off his first MLB season (2001) -- the one in which he won AL Rookie of the Year and AL MVP -- Ichiro Suzuki urged M's fans to pick up the phone and purchase season tickets by imitating that famous commercial featuring Tiger Woods bouncing the golf ball on his club. Then, Ichiro ostensibly channeled Bugs Bunny to hit the ball, run the bases and make it all the way to the outfield to catch the ball behind his back. He's basically been doing that for 15 years in MLB.