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Cut4 Library: If you can read this sentence, you should read 'Pedro'

Stop reading this sentence and read 'Pedro' instead

Hey, remember this scene from "Beauty and the Beast?"

library

Now imagine that every single one of those books is about America's pastime. Since that library is basically a Mobius strip of printed material, we're here to guide you through it. When we find a fascinating baseball book, you'll be the first to know. Today: "Pedro." 

Pedro Martinez's autobiography came out on May 5, and if you're looking for a description of what reading it is like, let Pedro tell you himself:

I was used to leaving bewilderment [and] confusion … in my wake, as well as some wonder and awe.

Mostly, it's bewilderment and confusion at how one man could possibly make you feel so much wonder and awe. "Pedro," as you can probably guess, is the pitcher's life story, not a retelling of "Much Ado About Nothing" from the prince of Aragon's point of view (LITERARY JOKES -- what did you expect, you're reading a book review).

But Martinez's stories are arguably better than Shakespeare's. Come on, at least consider the possibility: Did Shakespeare ever write any plays about striking out 17 Yankees? Were any of his comic characters as great as Pedro's portrayal of Manny Ramirez?

Just because we were teammates did not mean any of us understood Manny better than anybody else did. That was a big part of his appeal. Everything seemed out of place without Manny being in la-la land, keeping us guessing what he would come up with next. How was he going to wear his hair? Why did he spray me with half a bottle of his cologne? Why did he just ask me, "Hey, did you know there are men on their way to the moon right now?"

pedroandmanny

Of course, Pedro has plenty of stories about his own life. He compares himself and Raul Mondesi to Lewis and Clark, talks about his relationship with his brother Ramon and even mentions dancing merengue in drag in the Minor Leagues ("There are pictures of me in that blonde wig, but they will not be released in my lifetime or yours").

There's even an explanation for this:

yoda

Admittedly, this is it:

I put on a Yoda mask one game for no other reason than I had one and I thought it would be funny.

You know what? That's a good reason. 

If this were a novel, it would be too unrealistic. At the beginning of the book, the protagonist is playing baseball with his sister's doll's head, and at the end, he's being voted into the Hall of Fame? Unbelievable.

But this is Pedro's life, so when you read sentences like "I turned in an epic season in 1999 and then was able to repeat it in 2000," you just nod your head and say yes. Remember this? 

Or this?

Of course you do. You can watch all the clips you want, but reading "Pedro" is like unlocking the secret director's commentary track. When you click "play" above, you'll now know how he felt about coming into Game 5 of the 1999 ALDS in the fourth inning while he was still recovering from a back injury and the Red Sox were down, 8-7:

The game called for me to do something. I wasn't trying to be a hero, but I just went and did what my heart told me to do. I did not want to lose that way and not be able to do anything, even if I was jeopardizing my career - which I was.

…Of course, I didn't have that fastball that night, but I used the element of surprise to my advantage. I started to throw curveballs early in the count against guys I'd never used a curveball against, like Thome. Normally, I would never take the chance of hanging a curveball with him because he had such a long swing and could murder that kind of pitch. I threw changeups in fastball counts or a curveball at the complete opposite moment when one was called for.

I tried to stay smart while I was out there and not overdo. My discomfort grew minimal as my adrenaline began to flow. In my first inning, the Indians went down in order. I could tell from the looks of the batters and the looks of the Indians in their dugout that they were done.

When I got back to our dugout and stood on the top steps to knock the mud out of my cleats, I looked up at my teammates sitting on the bench, all of them looking back at me. With my game face cracking only a little, I announced, "Petey's in the hooouuussse."

And now, this is the only book in my house. 

If you can read this sentence, you should read this book. Pedro already has quite a few awards -- is there any reason the Nobel Prize for Literature can't be next? 

Read More: Boston Red SoxNew York Mets