Brandon Phillips responds to a drunk heckler in the best way possible: with a signed baseball

We all dream of having the perfect comeback. Of standing up to the bully who called us "Donkey Lips" in high school with a retort that will shake his very sense of identity. Some of us practice in the mirror everyday like we were Stuart Smalley. 

But Brandon Phillips doesn't have to do that. Just as Steve Martin has "I remember when I had my first beer," Brandon Phillips has his own signature move. 

With the Reds and Pirates game disrupted by rain on Thursday, a certain heckling Pirates fan was given the perfect chance to be heard. According to the Reddit thread started by the fan's brother, both players on the field and viewers at home could easily hear his beverage-aided hollering. 

After the game, Brandon Phillips responded in the best way possible. He gave the fan a signed baseball along with this lovely inscription: 

 Hopefully this ball becomes a treasured family heirloom that is passed down through the generations; the oral history of how "ole sauced Grandad" got a baseball for yelling at professional athletes a cherished memory. 

As for Brandon Phillips, he was pretty cool with the whole thing. He even posed for a photo with the guys: 

Awwwww shyt!!! There goes #DemDudes lol!!! #ALLREADY RT @SonOfTheMayor: @DatDudeBP Thanks for the ball last night. pic.twitter.com/7eY00ftIQI

- Brandon Phillips (@DatDudeBP) June 19, 2014

Which just goes to show: taunt someone for hours, make a new friend. Or something. 

(h/t Hardball Talk)