Red Sox and Tigers swap two great arms in blockbuster deal

With the entire baseball world on red alert since some intern decided to adjust the trade slider from "moderate" to "let's create an alternate baseball universe where nothing is as it seems" the Red Sox and Tigers joined in on Thursday and swapped two great arms. 

Heading to Boston is the sinkerballing Rick Porcello. Only 26 years old, Porcello is already 76-63 and coming off his best season in 2014. Porcello posted career bests in innings (204 2/3), shutouts (3), ERA (3.43) and walks per nine (1.8). And with a sinker that boasts an "Interstellar"-esque gravitational force, there are plenty of moments like this: 

Spoiler alert: It wasn't Coop knocking all those books off the shelf, but Porcello's two-seamer. 

But the Tigers won't be lacking in the arm strength department next season as they received Yoenis Cespedes in return. While Porcello may throw pitches that bore straight into the earth, Yoenis Cespedes throws literal rockets: 

And -- wait, you're saying he hits too? I mean, I assume he has to unhook that howitzer and -- what's that? He won the home run derby? TWICE?!?

Well, get ready for Detroit. Apparently you're getting Robocop: