Torii Hunter exits game with dress shoe-induced leg injury

When Torii Hunter left Thursday's game against the White Sox with a sore left Achilles, the outfielder blamed his discomfort on some too-tight footwear. No, not his cleats, but a new pair of "dress shoes." (Oxfords? Brogues? Loafers? I'm dying here.)

Torii, it's time to end the charade. Everyone knows your five All-Star appearances and nine consecutive Gold Glove Awards have been nothing more than a stepping stone. Give up your so-called "incredibly successful baseball career" and embrace your true calling: fashion. Mugatu's waiting in the clubhouse.

Hunter, so hot right now. Hunter.