Let's decide who will win the ALCS based on TV shows, food, and more

Sure, a detailed breakdown about which team is likely to triumph in the ALCS would be a fantastic read, full of graphs and charts and more statistical analysis than you'd know what to do with. But you know what else is fun? Deciding who's going to win the ALCS based on the important measures like TV shows set in the competing cities, bands that call those cities home, and more. 

Ready? Let's get started.

Iconic TV Shows

While there are plenty of TV shows set in Kansas or Missouri (think Smallville or Johnny Bravo, set in Missouri's fictional Aaron City), there are few set in KC itself. The most notable is probably Malcolm and Eddie, a UPN sitcom starring Malcolm-Jamal Warner (who you know as Theo Huxtable) and Eddie Griffin as owners of a wacky Irish bar. It was definitely as popular as Baltimore's most iconic TV show, which everyone knows was Ace of Cakes.

What? Isn't The Wire an obscure reality show about electricians? 

Celebrity Fans

The Orioles have a lot of celebrity support, including at least one of a clan of sparkly vampires and rock star Joan Jett. But their biggest fan (by actual size, at least) is the Hulk. Bruce Banner the first, also known as Edward Norton, said in a 2011 interview that all he wanted for his birthday was an O's revival. Looks like he got his wish, even if it was three years in coming. Actor Josh Charles, of Dead Poets Society fame, has also been cheering on the O's via Twitter all October long. And O's fans are notably stalwart -- they'll stick by their team through anything: 

So Baltimore has Jett, Pattinson and Norton. Who does Kansas City have? As it turns out, everyone else. Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet's love for the Royals is so intense it killed his phone and Paul Rudd, Rob Riggle and Jason Sudeikis, among many others, can be counted among the KC faithful. This year, Olivia Wilde took BP with the team and broke her bat:  

Not even the Hulk can say that.

Famous Native Sons and Daughters

Kansas City can lay claim to Walter Cronkite, Joan Crawford, Burt Bacharach and Count Basie. Baltimore has John Waters, Tori Amos, Billie Holiday and Upton Sinclair.  

Based on those groups, who could produce the better band? OK, but what about the better dodgeball team?

Music

Say we want to have an actual battle of the bands. KC's entrant: Janelle Monae, even though she's from Kansas City, Kansas and not Kansas City, Missouri:

Baltimore would probably respond with Sisqo, though they could also choose a softer alternative:

Authors

You could argue about which city has produced better writers, but Baltimore's Emily Post would likely tell you that's not a very polite conversation topic. Kansas City's got William Least-Heat Moon, who wrote about the beauty of America, and Baltimore's got Edgar Allan Poe, who wrote about still-beating hearts buried under the floor.

Plus, Ernest Hemingway briefly lived in Kansas City and F. Scott Fitzgerald briefly lived in Baltimore, so if you'd like to continue that "best author of the twentieth century" battle you've been having since college, this series is your fight by proxy.

Museums

Both Kansas City and Baltimore host museums that are meant to show us what our homes should really look like. Johnson County Museum, just outside of KC, has the 1950s All-Electric House, which is meant to showcase the benefit of filling your home with appliances. The Star Wars Toy Museum, outside of Baltimore, is meant to showcase the benefit of filling your home with Han Solo figurines. Both are essential to an average American's quality of life.

Equally essential is a healthy respect for baseball. KC is home to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum and Baltimore the Babe Ruth Birthplace Museum. If history is your thing, you can check out Kansas City's National World War I Museum, located at the iconic Liberty Memorial, or visit the place where Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star-Spangled Banner" in Baltimore. 

Movies

Both the 1988 and 2007 film versions of the musical Hairspray are set in Baltimore. There are few notable films actually set in Kansas City, but director Robert Altman, who was born there, has been nominated for five more Oscars than John Travolta in drag, who was nominated for exactly none.

Food

Everyone loves some Maryland crab, even Derek Jeter. Yelpers across the land rate Baltimore crab cakes an average of five stars and describe them using words like "best I've ever had" and "simply perfect."

Kansas Cityians, however, are so moved by their local delicacies that language alone does not suffice to describe them:

The city traces its barbecue'n origins back to the early-1900s and residents hace since opened up classic eats such as Arthur Bryant, Gates and Sons, Oklahoma Joe's and B.B.'s Lawnside BBQ. Pork, beef, chicken, turkey and even fish are slow-cooked to saucy perfection. 

By the numbers