Matt Garza gets mummified with gauze tape, will pitch gloriously in the underworld for eternity

After suffering a rib-cage muscle strain, Matt Garza has been placed on the DL. He's eligible to return to the Brewers' active roster in about two weeks, but fellow starter Yovani Gallardo is thinking farther down the road than that. A lot farther.

You see, Gallardo isn't just a pitcher -- it seems he's also the team high priest. Before Garza's abdomen is damaged any further, Gallardo is committed to preserving it through the ancient method of mummification, using the time-tested material of medical gauze tape. He performed the solemn ritual in the dugout during Milwaukee's game against the Giants on Tuesday:

There shall be no stronger pitcher than Matt Garza when we all reach the realm of Osiris.