Tim Lincecum is reportedly working out at a 'secret location' -- so where on Earth is he?
With just a week to go before pitchers report to Spring Training, Tim Lincecum is still without a baseball team to call his own. But now, word comes that he's been working out and is ready to show off his skills in hopes of landing a job.
Only problem: He's in a "secret location" as Jon Heyman reported on Thursday night:
Tim lincecum has been throwing every day at a secret location near phoenix with trainer and father at side. Showcase coming
— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) February 12, 2016
While we here at Cut4 are not licensed private investigators, we have watched, like 800 episodes of "Law and Order" and read a few Raymond Carver mysteries, so we feel pretty confident in our sleuthing abilities. Here are the top five sites where Lincecum could be working out:
Staying in a small motel just within Phoenix's city limits under assumed names (Possible aliases: Lim Tincecum, Big Time Timmy Tim, Tommy Longhammer), Lincecum and his Dad play catch in the parking lot from sun-up to sundown. If you didn't know who they were, you might just think this was a idyllic game of catch between father and son, even if they were rather obsessive about it. And if you were a scout passing by, well, you could grab a soda from the vending machine and watch for a few hours before signing him to a Major League contract.
Maybe they're there right now, the motel manager asking them to please be careful around the cars.
As some conspiracy theorists believe, there is an "inner" Earth -- an entire world existing just beneath ours. Perhaps Lincecum discovered this after last season and has been staying down there to work out in private. There are crazier possibilities.
While Heyman did point out that he was "Near Phoenix," Area 51 is only 336 miles away. Plus, what better place for the two-time Cy Young winner to get his groove back than under the watchful eye of the American government? Plus, they could probably use some alien technology to add some zip to his fastball. Alien workouts will one day be all the rage.
The only way I can imagine that they're working out there: They rode donkeys to the bottom and the donkeys got tired. So Lincecum and his Dad decided, "Well, we're here. Let's make the most of it."
Go on, look around. Are they there? Perhaps they're hiding under your couch and will play catch once you've gone to bed. You know, like baseball elves.
