Where to live in New York if you've just come into $324 million
But what if, as American icon Jermaine Dupri once posited, "Money ain't a thang"?
That's the case for new Yankees starting pitcher Gerrit Cole, who recently agreed to a record-setting $324 million deal. He can live anywhere he wants in New York City, so where should he? Here are five excellent options.
The South Bronx
Hailed as the new hotspot in New York -- high-rise apartments, wine bars, eclectic beard businesses and a Hudson Yards-style community have all quickly moved into the area. Manhattan is just a 30-minute subway ride away and new ferry routes give even more access to different NYC neighborhoods. Some of the best Italian food in the world is just a bit north along Arthur Avenue. The New York Botanical Garden and Bronx Zoo are wonderful places to take the whole family. Plus, and this is specifically for Gerrit, Yankee Stadium is a 10-minute ride away on the 4 train. Or a 5-minute Uber. Or a two-minute helicopter. It may not be as flashy as the other options below, but think of the investment opportunities with $324 million. Think of how cool you'd be telling people you lived there before everyone else did. It's basically the new Williamsburg. It's SoBro.
Doesn't that sound nice? Carroll Gardens. Where do you live? Oh, I live in Carroll Gardens.
It sounds like some secret oasis where elves frolic and fairies flutter. It kinda looks like it too.
Townhouses start at about $3 million, but if you have Gerrit Cole money, you can easily buy five. Buy one for your parents. For your brother. For your dog. There are ample breweries, some of the best barbecue in the city and quiet, tree-lined parks for catching up on a favorite book. The Brooklyn neighborhood is also squished in between other up and coming areas like Red Hook and Gowanus. You can walk to Park Slope and Cobble Hill. The F train takes you into Manhattan in 10 minutes, Brighton Beach is a quick drive down Ocean Parkway. If you're a true rich person and have a 20-foot yacht, you can probably dock it in the Gowanus Canal (although you run the risk of it turning as green as your money).
I mean, look at that place. It looks like some futuristic I, Robot world. In my current state, I'd think of living in the largest private real estate development in America as garish and pretentious. But if I became a multi-millionaire, I would not care. I would bask in it all. I'd parachute off 30 Hudson Yards. I'd rent out every room in the Equinox Hotel for weeks. I'd turn the Peloton studios into my personal cafeteria.
There's no point in being incredibly rich unless you can live in one of the most obnoxiously rich places on Earth. At least for a little while.
Central Park South
White-gloved doormen, Central Park as your backyard, billionaire neighbors who buy entire apartment floors for $238 million. You have to live on New York City's most expensive street if you can afford it.
If you don't have any friends because none of them are rich enough, you can talk to the snapping turtles at the pond or ride the famous Central Park carousel late into the evening. Brunch next to other really rich people at the Ritz Carlton every morning or, better yet, just rent out the Royal Suite and look down on the rest of the city's commonfolk with sympathy and sorrow.
The West Village
The West Village is the New York you see in movies and TV shows. Friends, Sex and the City, Ghostbusters,You Don't Mess with Zohan were all filmed there. It's the fairytale NYC life you've always imagined. And now it can be yours.
You can skip through the Washington Square Park sprinklers -- tossing money into the air. See a famous comedian do standup at the Comedy Cellar. Sip a martini while lightly tapping your finger on the bar at some of the best blues and jazz venues in the city. There's nothing rich people like doing more.
Or, just stay in your plush, $12-million townhouse. Do whatever you want. This city, this world, is your playground.
Matt Monagan is a writer for MLB.com. In his spare time, he travels and searches Twitter for Wily Mo Peña news.