Please enjoy 11 of the most wonderfully strange baseball card photos of all time
For well over a century, baseball cards have been inextricably intertwined with the national pastime -- equal parts childhood ephemera, historical document and time capsule. But we're not here to talk about any of that. We're here to talk about something far more important: the baseball card as a source for hilarious photographs.
It's an immutable law of the universe, after all: For every T206 Honus Wagner, there's an equal and opposite Glenn Hubbard draping a snake across his shoulders. Below are but a few of our favorites:
When there is nothing more important than the Rally Squirrel
When you're channeling Tom Cruise in Risky Business
Alas, Palmer's 1970 Topps card was not communicating that he was too cool for school. The righty wore dark glasses on the field because his eyes were extremely sensitive to light -- he even wore them during night games (perhaps related, he once threw 14 wild pitches in a single season).
When you'll always wonder about the accordion career that could have been
As part of their 1972 series, Topps created a "Boyhood Photos of Stars" collection, in which -- you guessed it -- stars from Willie Stargell to Tom Seaver submitted childhood photos. The best of the bunch, though, was Angels shortstop Jim Fregosi, who apparently moonlighted as an accordion prodigy.
When you just got stuck with the check
No one's quite sure why Harvey Haddix made this face on his 1965 Topps card. Maybe he'd accidentally put his pants on backwards. Maybe he remembered he'd left the gas on. Whatever the case may be, we're forever grateful.
When you're trying to gain a competitive advantage
As a Hall of Famer with a career .837 OPS, the last thing Kirby Puckett needed was a bigger bat. But, as his 1993 Topps card showed, he refused to be complacent.
When you've got an unusually youthful glow
If the face above seems a bit young to be playing professional baseball, well, you're correct: The person who posed for that photo isn't Gary Pettis, Angels center fielder -- it's Lynn Pettis, his 16-year-old younger brother.
In Pettis' defense, he was simply taking part in a longstanding big league tradition. Back in 1959, Milwaukee Braves righty Lew Burdette posed for his card photo as a left-hander. A decade later, Angels third baseman Aurelio Rodriguez convinced batboy Leonard Garcia to pretend to be him. (No one noticed until they confessed.)
When you're here to put out some fires
Not only did Wagner save 23 games for the 1997 Astros, but he set a Major League record with 14.4 strikeouts per nine innings. So, for his '98 card, Topps decided to have a little fun and take the "putting out fires" thing literally.
But he wasn't the only Major League fireman:
That's Royals closer Jeff Montgomery, who can't be bothered with a helmet (or sleeves, for that matter). In 1998, Wagner and Montgomery combined for 86 saves, so clearly the cards were on to something.
When you've developed a futuristic brand of baseball
Surprisingly enough, this one actually has a pretty logical explanation: Over a three-game span during the 1951 season, Gus Zernial hit six home runs, tying an American League record. Naturally, his 1952 Topps card featured a bat hitting six baseballs.
When you made a run to the sporting goods store
Like Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders before him, Brian Jordan played both professional baseball and football, debuting with the Cardinals in 1992 after three years in the NFL. It wasn't until 1998, though, that Topps honored his two-sport stardom with a deeply confused baseball card.
When you're a bubble gum blowing champion
You wouldn't think that a humble baseball card could contain athletic spectacle, accusations of high treason and copious amounts of bubble gum, and yet, here we are. In August 1975, Topps Chewing Gum -- the company behind Bazooka -- hatched an idea: the "Joe Garagiola Bazooka Big League Bubble Gum Blowing Championship," a contest to determine which Major Leaguer could blow the mightiest bubble.
The rules were simple: Each MLB team held a competition to determine which player would serve as its representative in a winner-take-all elimination tournament. Friendships were tested. Official protests were filed. (Seriously: Cubs catcher George Mitterwald claimed that he, not Bill Madlock, had blown the largest bubble, and that the contest's judge had failed to measure it in time before it popped.)
When the gum settled, two men were left standing, one from each league: Kurt Bevacqua of the Brewers (then members of the American League) and Johnny Oates of the Phillies. The contestants faced each other in a pressure-packed final round prior to Game 3 of the 1975 World Series. And, because sometimes the universe just works out, we have video evidence:
Ultimately, Bevacqua emerged victorious with an impressive 18 1/4-inch bubble, claiming $1,000 for himself and $1,000 for his charity of choice. Oh, and he got a 1976 Topps card to commemorate his triumph.
