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Someone managed to sneak the Keith Hernandez "Seinfeld" episode into an Ask Amy column

(Bertha, Michael)

Imagine you've just met a local sports celebrity -- let's call him "Heith Kernandez". The two of you exchange numbers, grab some coffee and hit it off as old pals, but soon things start to escalate. First he takes your ex-girlfriend on a date, then he wants you to help move some furniture, and before you know it, he's asking you to drive him to the airport.
It's all a bit much -- you barely know the guy, after all. So what do you do? You submit your dilemma to syndicated advice column Ask Amy, of course, and hope she fails to realize you're just retelling the plot of a "Seinfeld" episode:

Amy does offer some pretty sage advice, should a Mets first baseman ever start to take advantage of your new friendship:
Dear Foolish: The good news here is that you won't have to dump the guy as a friend because he is not a friend. He's an opportunist who just keeps asking you for stuff. I suspect that when you turn down his generous offer to let you move furniture for him, you'll likely never hear from him again.
Spit bandit Roger McDowell, however, still remains at large: