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Celebrate the magic of knuckleballs, eephuses and moundfails with the 10 slowest pitches of 2015

Normally when we use the god calculator, Statcast™, we're using it to calculate things like the longest home run or fastest throw from the outfield. Which is all well and good, but Statcast™ shouldn't be saved just for the best. It should also be used to measure the funniest
Today, we look at the ten* slowest pitches from 2015. Enjoy. 

Chris Denorfia has been a useful player throughout his Major League career thanks to his ability to play all three outfield positions with strong defense. In 2015, he increased that value by taking the mound and retiring the only batter he faced.  
For Lincecum, this was a bad delivery. For me, this would be my very best attempt. 
Some would call this Collin McHugh slipping. Others would call this a cheat, like in Tony Hawk Pro Skater when your character would glitch out and phase through a ramp. We'll leave it up to you to decide.

Just three innings after Linceum's first mound fall, the Giants hurler tried to deliver a pitch with the stanky leg. It didn't work out.

Already known for his drawn out first pitch, Alvarez decided to try his hand at this little lollipop for a called strike against Nick Markakis.  

Chris Denorfia threw two pitches in 2015. Both are on this list. That deserves some kind of award, right? 

Adam LaRoche is known for battering hanging pitches, a skill he's turned into 255 career home runs. But when he took the mound for the first time in his career in 2015, he got the chance to pay homage to his father, Dave LaRoche, who was known for his patented LaRoche lob.
Even if he didn't get nearly the height that his Dad did. 

Chris Sale struck out 274 batters in 2015. His average fastball velocity was 94.5, nearly double the velocity of this one. Baseball is weird. 

You'd expect a knuckleballer like Wright to make this list -- especially as he's not known for the kind of hard knuckler that R.A. Dickey tosses. (Dickey would have had the 11th-slowest on our list.) 
This particular toss appears to be no different than many ceremonial first pitches. 

How could anyone else rank first? Just as Aroldis Chapman dominates the top of the velocity leaderboard, Simon controls the low end. You see, while Simon had the slowest pitch of 2015, he also had a total of seven pitches slower than Chris Denorfia's 56.9 mph-er at the top of this list.
So while we did cut those out to add some variety, please enjoy the below GIF featuring the rest. Take note of the two pitches to Kolten Wong. Those are back-to-back eephuses (eehpusi?)