There is such a thing as working out too much and now it's staring right at me
I don't need to tell anyone about the benefits of exercise. They're literally plain to see. However, there is a danger lurking inside every gym, a menace in every recumbent bike: the workout dude. They are what Planet Fitness refers to as a lunkhead. They are the fitness freaks for whom CrossFit isn't just a way of life, but the very reason for living.
And now they've been given life as the truly baffling and buff mascot for the Fort Myers Mighty Mussels.
Known as the Miracle just a few days ago, the team clearly hit the gym too much and just unveiled the musclebound dude you see below:
Congratulations to the new owners of the Fort Myers Miracle on their new name and look. They are now the Mighty Mussels! pic.twitter.com/rXKrUUgyVI
— Brian Hamman (@BrianHamman1) December 3, 2019
I mean, just look at this photo. This mascot looks like he's going to beat up that statue for being a "nerd" into "books." He'd then pick up the dictionary to fit some quick curls in:
Mussel Man is enjoying some beautiful scenery at @EdisonFordFL - thanks for having us! pic.twitter.com/cYDdW4YY30
— Fort Myers Mighty Mussels (@MightyMussels) December 4, 2019
You might not even notice it. One day you were simply headed to the gym, ready to sweat it out to the oldies in a pair of shorts from 1977. The next: You can barely turn your head as your body is so encumbered by sheer mass and your pantry is just bottles upon bottles of supplements and protein powder. Even your smile is muscular, angular.
Second stop for Mussel Man...showing @NBC2 and @ABC7SWFL how to #MusselUp. Thanks for having us! pic.twitter.com/lwqcRhXwoa
— Fort Myers Mighty Mussels (@MightyMussels) December 4, 2019
Mussels? Delicious. Muscles? Beautiful.
But too much of anything can be a problem. Be careful, and make sure to temper your gym time with eating entire pizzas by yourself. Because life is all about balance -- unless you want to become the Mighty Mussels' mighty, muscular mascot.
Michael Clair writes for MLB.com. He spends a lot of time thinking about walk-up music and believes stirrup socks are an integral part of every formal outfit.
