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The Man of Steel is actually a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants

Take every Chuck Norris joke ever published on the Internet, roll them up into a person, and voila, you've got Giants lefty Madison Bumgarner.

He grew up in a log cabin that his father built by hand. That log cabin was located in an unincorporated area of North Carolina colloquially known as "Bumtown," because of all the Bumgarners whose ancestors came over from Germany.

When Madison was four, he played organized baseball for the first time ... after his dad signed a waiver allowing him to play with six-to-eight-year-olds. As a high school senior, Bumgarner went 11–2 with a 1.05 ERA and 143 strikeouts in 86 innings, while hitting .424 with 11 home runs. Interest from Major League scouts got so intense that his father literally built a fence around the bullpen at the team's home field so that his son could get some privacy.

Oh, and he once killed a rattlesnake with an axe and then saved the baby rabbit that he found inside.

"One day during spring training this year in Scottsdale, Bumgarner and his wife were roping cattle when Madison was startled by a large snake he figured was a rattler. He quickly grabbed an ax and hacked it to pieces. When Ali, an expert field dresser, examined what was left of the snake, she found two baby jackrabbits inside pieces of it and extracted them. A short while later the Bumgarners noticed that one of the rabbits had moved slightly. It was alive."

He is baseball's Paul Bunyan, more myth than man. His left arm was forged in the fires of Vesuvius. And, apparently, his sternum is made of pure steel:

Statcast clocked that line drive at 107 mph off the bat. That's a car speeding down the Autobahn and straight into Bumgarner's chest, and not only does he not crumple to the ground or wince -- he doesn't even move! It's like he never even bothered to process the ball hurtling towards him. That is not a human being, that is a cyborg.