Can you guess the team from their offseason free agent 'help wanted' ads?

When companies in the real world need new employees, they publish a help wanted ad -- usually with insane and over-the-top headlines to make them stand out from their competition. Baseball teams don't usually need to advertise when looking for baseball players -- probably because they don't want resumes from people like me.
But, just imagine if the Red Sox made a Craigslist ad last year looking for a DH. Or, imagine if the Brewers let the world know that they would try to bring in every single outfielder possible before acquiring Christian Yelich from the Marlins and signing Lorenzo Cain. Or, what if the Giants taped a flyer to a telephone pole advertising for over-30 stars.
While teams still haven't decided to make their job postings public, we decided to do that for them. 
So, can you match the team to their offseason job posting? Let us know how you do @Cut4, and if you want to apply … well, we can't help you there.
The only thing left to wonder ... do baseball players meet with an HR representative to go over their benefits package after signing? And do they have exit interviews when they leave?