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David Ortiz spent his Saturday night hanging out with some Oompa Loompas

What does one of the game's greatest DH's do in his first offseason as a retired player? Well, if David Ortiz is any guide, first you cut a commercial and then ... hang out with some oompa loompas? 

Granted, Ortiz was with them for a charity event, but we still have to assume that the green-haired chocolate makers tried to recruit the slugger. 
If successful, we imagine their new verse would go a little something like this: 
Oompa loompa doompety doo
We have a new member of the crew
Oompa loompa doompety dee
And he goes by the name Big Papi

What do you get when you hang a fat curve?
Deserving of whatever Ortiz will serve
Watch the ball fly and kiss it good-bye
Your ERA will immediately rise

We really like the look of that.
Someone call the Roald Dahl estate. We need to get this sequel greenlit ASAP.